Crazy B*tch

*as my favorite show Law and Order SVU plays in the background lol*

Is it bad that I felt the need to delete posts from my past?  I was looking through my drafts on the dashboard for my blog, and I was looking at all these posts I didn't publish, and remembered a couple months ago when I felt the need to delete thoughts from my first boyfriend.  But I didn't delete anything about my most recent relationship.

I have this theory that women aren't crazy. Well, we are, but we get "crazy", (or in my opinion) when we care about something. But, isn't that everyone?  That's why people join debate clubs, or enjoy discussing "hot topics" with others.  Because it is stuff they are passionate about, something they really believe in.  I think women do that with their relationships with others, too.  Call us more territorial, but I think it all comes from a place of love. For instance,  I had a bad falling out with a friend in December and it actually hurt me a little because I am NOT just saying this; I will own up to when I am in the wrong. This was literally the weirdest situation and now we aren't talking and haven't since December. I tried reaching out to her because I heard some stupid rumor that I thought she should know about, and she didn't even have the courtesy to give me a one worded answer back.  I thought to myself ... okay maybe she is just really busy.  But then she posted something on facebook.  Probably 8 minutes AFTER I wrote her.  So, okay. Rude.  Next day, I sent her another message apologizing for my weird text the night before.
Nothing!
Nothing at all. That hurt.
So, what did my Regina George, crazy woman in me do?  I told my two closest friends, Eydn and Melissa, to delete her on facebook.  It might sound catty or immature, but I think it is weird enough that she would comment/mention them in stuff for these months when she and I weren't even speaking. And she isn't even friends with them. These are people that I love so dearly that she has met maybe once or twice and friended them after.  And, I thought also.... I don't want my friends talking to her.  Why do they care to?
And , one of my friends instantly removed her without question, a simple "ha bye" and that felt so good lol.  Call me mean, but I couldn't help it. I am territorial, about the people I love and care about, and I didn't want them talking to someone that hurt me (even though they really don't ever.  I just didn't want her talking to them). Oh my god, I sound crazy.

Anyway, the crazy woman in me continues. I have been talking to Matt since January, when I was in New York, and he didn't reach out ALL day.  I immediately text Melissa late tonight saying, "he's over me, he likes someone else."  And the funny thing is, Melissa TOTALLY got it.  She'll call me out if I'm being over analyzing which is highly probable (happens all the time).  But this time, she realized that she knows me and yes it is weird that the first time since Martin Luther King Day Jr, we haven't spoken or conversed.  Nothing!

Of course, I panicked.  He finally messaged me at like midnight on Snapchat saying he just got back from NYC.  The annoying thing is, is that I was annoyed. Annoyed it took that long. He doesn't owe me check-ins.  I have no right to be annoyed. And that's when I knew for god damn sure I am into this guy.  Because I care. Because of those little things,  Those little things keep me sane and remind me that I'm as important to him as he is to me.  Then again.... we are "just friends". I hate that.

I swear when he is here next weekend if he gives me that window I am fucking flying through that window. Literally and figuratively.

On that note, I am feeling better about myself after getting into my old habits again of working out and eating better. It's been really hard as of late because I didn't really have the time, nor money to dedicate to myself. But, I know that it is work. I can't make excuses anymore. Especially if I want those jeans from May to fit.  Right now my butt is twerking when I walk and that is not a place to be.

One more random thought, it's so weird that I always seem so lost with my thoughts. I am always looking for clarity and that silver lining; however with most of my friends I usually know exactly what to say or am able to help them get clarity.  I think if I could do school over again I would've gone to medical school and become a psychiatrist/therapist.  I like helping people.

Okay. I really have to go to sleep. It is 12:43, and I have to teach in less than 8 hours.