Music Lovin'

Since I'm in a very complacent, morose mood this evening, I got a sudden, random urge to listen to "Enya." It's actually calming me down; I feel sleepy now. I always feel tired after I cry.

An update of my little life:

I practiced with my accompanist, Dani today. He is from Israel! He is a very intellectual person, very smart. He kindof reminds me of my previous violin teacher: both Jewish, smart (but like, well-rounded smart). That's kindof a weird way to put it, but it's not like he's academically smart, or has one expertise- he's just like my previous violin teacher; he knows a lot of facts from a lot of different categories and subjects. We didn't even practice today... we just sat in a practice room for almost 2 and a half hours talking about subject after subject.

Lately, I've found it hard to adjust to my new technique that my teacher is giving me. I can't get a really GOOD tone anymore; like my bow hold has changed the way I make sound. My new bow hold and left hand are supposed to make me more relaxed, but I don't see how it's doing that. :( I feel like I'm even more tense at times, now.
What do I do?? Today a master class was held by a guy from the Orion String Quartet. He studied with someone that studied with Nathan Milstein (virtuoso ways back..). He had some good suggestions that I am definitely going to start doing!

I've been just really, really stressed lately, and maybe it's leaking into my playing. I just need to relax. It's hard being a music ed major here at ASU. Typically the normal college undergrad degree is 120 hours. For my degree, it is 156. 156!!!! I am trying to think of any other majors here that go completely overboard the standard 120, and I can't. Maybe engineering? I know for sure no other music degrees go substantially over. I was talking with my previous violin teacher, and yeah, I'd love to switch to performance. It'd be awesome. But, I don't know if I want the violin to become my entire life, and I know it definitely would if I decided to switch to being music performance major. It's just, the job market for strign players like myself is not good right now. The salaries are continuously decreasing, and I don't see myself being so good that I'm "too good" to play in a professional symphony.... Nah. I'd probably have to be at the level I'm at right now like...5 or 6 years ago, or more maybe, haha. Yeah, it's possible that if I were to finish as a performance major that I could maybe get a job in a symphony or something. But is that really all I want in life? Do i honestly want to make the rest of my college career and potentially the rest of my work life just playing the violin? I know it must be so fun to go to orchestra rehearsal for those people instead of dressing up in a suit & tie everyday, going to a stuffy work job with desks and cubicles. However, I want to live my life, I want to not worry about, "Oh, man I only got in 5 hours of practice today I should practice later tonight to get in another 3.." . You have to want it. Frankly, it appears I don't want it that bad. It's not that i wouldn't love to be just a performer; I just really like the idea of teaching. A lot. I think I am a people person. I get along well with people, being around people, and kids. I think being a teacher would be a much more rewarding job perosnally. I also know that teaching isn't exactly the most profitable job either; but just knowing that I've inspired a student through music as all my music teachers have done for me is totally worth it.

So far, I'm starting to feel better and more uplifted from my morose depression. Thank God for writing/blogging. I already bottle up many, many feelings from day to day, and I can't imagine if I had to bottle up absolutely everything... Yikes. Writing is such an outlet for me, and it's cool to know there are people out there (YOU) that are reading my thoghts. And guess actually care to read what I have to say!

xox