My mom is the best cook ever (I promise I am not exaggerating.. she can make anything, and makes anything yummy. there is nothing she has made I haven't liked) , and it was also great to be able to go back home and have some homecooked meals.. ahhh. I know my mom was really happy to have us all back home, too. I missed my dogs and little kitty mia SO much, too! I can't wait to take that little one with me to Tempe next year. I was going to take my Paris pooch (pug) too, but I noticed when I visited, that my mom has become much more attached to her. I know she'll never admit it, but I know she'd be so, so sad if I took away Paris. She loves having that furry ball of fat around to follow her around. :)
Thanksgiving wasn't that great to begin with... a typical holiday for my family though. Not embellishing or anything when I say this; but, my family argues every holiday. I mean, we argue alot anyway. That's just how we commmunicate, haha. But every holiday are usually bad arguments. It's not like the whole family argues; there is usually just some dispute between a couple people in the family. This holiday for Thanksgiving, my sister and i were rewarded the big fight for the holiday. Literally, there was no point to it. She got mad because I have a bunch of my mom's (now vintage) clothes that used to be in her closet that she never, ever wore. So I took them around my junior year. I mean, I had some for myself, but she never wore really any of them. So, I found it acceptable that I wander into her closet and get my mom's clothes that were collecting dust in her messy walk-in closet.
Anyway, my mom was totally cool with me having those clothes; she's really happy every time I wear something that was hers. I also love seeing pictures of her in the clothes that I wear now. Well back to the argument, my sister has a temper of both my mom & dad combined, and she's ... well. Kindof spoiled, I think. Usually my parents side with her with most arguments, so it also fuels her anger to just throw a fit easily. So she got really, really mad, and we argued, and next thing you know, we're getting physical - and not in the dirty way. I took the keys to the Escalade, and left the house to Tyler's and spent a couple hours there. It actually worked out fine because Tyler had been begging me for the past 2 hours to visit for a little bit and I wouldn't, but it was prime time to at that moment. It was nice to just forget about it all, and his family always makes me feel better. I came back home a couple hours later; left right before his family was going to eat. It's just - when you have to get away, you gotta get away. I know his mom could tell I had been crying too; the way she looked into my eyes like she was reading my frustration and hurt that had taken place earlier. Honestly, I would feel completely comfortable telling her what happened; but it's really not their problem, and they aren't supposed to be immersed into my problematic issues on their happy Thanksgiving. That's sometimes why I used to hate going over to Tyler's, unless we just went straight down to his room and just hung out - me and him. I couldn't stand being around their family, because they never fought. Their arguments didn't compare in the slightest to ones in my family, and I just hated being around such a happy family. It sounds horrible, but it's the truth. I remember contemplating a couple times turning around as I drove to their house that day thinking, "Should I really be doing this? Tyler's just going to give his sympathetic 'I'm so sorry's ' that he normally does, while thinking in his head 'God her family is so dysfunctional.' " I just can't stand that. I don't like feeling... weak. Pitiful. I don't want to seem less than anyone. That came out wrong.
A lot of times, I just feel uncomfortable around their family, but happy at the same time. Usually it depends on my mood, but alot of the time, I just feel weird around a family that is completely getting along the whole time, in the kitchen together, laughing with no problems in the world.It eats me up inside. Of course it's something to admire, but at the same time I'm.. jealous. Uncomfortable being there. That's why... everytime I used to come over I'd hope "Please don't let his parents be home" because I didn't want to be around them all being happy and everything. It was too uncomfortable. I almost forgot how this all felt because I hadn't been around them in literally months, but it all came back on Thanksgiving day.
It's not that I don't like his family or anything; well, I don't. I love them. I really do. It's just hard for me. Maybe this sounds over -exaggerated and all. I don't really want it to seem like my homelife is horrendous and unbearable.. It's not. And I don't want it to seem like I'm not thankful for my family and what I have, because I am. That's what Thanksgiving is all about anyway. Realizing what in life you are actually thankful for, and bringing everyone close together. It's just hard for me during every holiday when someone will fight with someone. It's inevitable; it happens every holiday. I love my family, I do. They're really all I've got. I'm just more comfortable with an arguing family I guess. Not really the happy family that has sit down dinners every night, and watches movies together and stuff, and is big on "family nights". It's just not what I'm used to. I really hope I'm not making my family seem so horrible, because I am thankful for them. Hell, they've made me who I am today, and I know there are people in my life who do love me and for some strange reason. I hope someday I'll overcome my uncomfortableness with those happy-family situations; I just don't know when. Maybe that's partly why I refuse to go to the Pointe with his family over summer. I just don't know. I'm a confusing, unstable, emotional girl that Tyler decided to fall in love with, and I can't do anything about that, haha. I just don't think he realizes what he's gotten himself into.
Wow. I don't think that's been let out to the public before.
In conclusion, after I we ate dinner, Tyler stopped by my place for a little bit to hang out with my family. Then that weekend, I got to see all my lovely dear friends from high school all in one place... Bada Beanz. Which, I surprisingly was not a fan of the drummer who filled in for the regular. I didn't like his style. I wouldn't ever have this opinion if I weren't dating a drummer, haha. ;)
It was really great to see all my friends there, though. So I just tuned out most of the music. Not to say it wasn't good, because it was.
Sunday I rode back with my friends Ryan, Nikil, and c. Lucas (some of you know which one this is hahah), and some girl c. Lucas brought along with him.
Now, it's back to school, back to eating in my dorm room alone because my schedule is backwards everyone elses, back to my XL twin size bed, back to not-so-great-food, back to checking my planner every hour and late night homework sessions.
I'll probably be up late tonight. I can't wait for after tonight - this'll be a hard night.
I hope everyone had an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving, as wonderful as mine surprisingly turned out by the end of the day. :)
i wasn't REALLY picking my nose ;)
the one who has to deal with me ^ . . .
My dad & I typically do this to family photos.
XOX
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