Feeling Management

How is it possible, that a person can go from one happy feeling so quickly to the next?

How can I go from feeling like, "Hey- I actually look good today!" to,

"I feel like shit."

These days, I find my insecurities growing stronger as my confidence dwindles. I can't seem to hold onto my happiness, and it leaves me quickly. I find myself more often than it should be, staring at myself, pointing out all my insecurities and flaws, picking at everything I wish I could change about myself.

I used to be able to tell people there is something I like about me, but now I can't. I can't seem to muster anything.

Other than that, I struggle to find things about myself that I take pride in.  Why do I feel this way?

Am I depressed again? How does it revive itself after a few years, just out of nowhere? Why am I lacking confidence? There is something wrong with me.... I feel like anyone I come in contact with, I'm comparing them to me. Can't I just be happy with myself; can I just be content?

People are never content, and never settle. The world won't keep spinning if there isn't hope, or if there isn't some optimism or something to look forward to - something to aim for. People need goals, and I guess I have mine. Mine are just more of standards.

I'm actually done with my sad spell now I think, and I love being able to vent somewhere. I wish Eydn was here. She always knew just the right things to say to me at times like these, and wouldn't be lying asleep passed out next to me. I think I miss her more than she misses me. Afterall, I think I need her more than she needs me too as well haha. I think she understands me more than anyone, and more than anyone ever will.

I wish someone wasn't blinded by love to see what I'm really like. I'm not perfect, and I'm filled with flaws. I'm bitter, insecure, and I am not happy with myself right now, and really haven't been for a long time.

I want my insecurity to go away.