For me, strangely, 11:15 at night on a weeknight was considered pretty early for me. Now ever since I started college, you'd think I'd turn into the typical college night owl - but no, no. Right now as I struggle to keep myself awake to write this God-forsaken paper, I began to reflect and compare my life now to what it used to be like living in small town of Prescott.
Even though I am essentially responsible for myself now almost completely, I feel like now that I am in college, my life is somewhat easier as well.
For instance, I don't have to wake up every morning at 7 am to take out my precious dog, Paris. I literally roll out of bed now a half hour to 20 minutes before class starts, brush my teeth, put on some clothes and jet out to class. My only "real" chores and responsibilities are school now. Of course in my mind it weighs so heavily, because all I want to do is succeed and not screw anything up. I want to stay on top of my grades, and I am proud of myself so far for being able to do so (I hope I didn't jinx myself..). In high school, academics was not a top priority for me. Not to say I was a failing grade student throughout high school; I just didn't care to get straight a's. I was more of an A's, B's, and a couple C's throughout my high school career, which I was okay with. It wasn't until my senior year that I really started to care about my academics, because it was like, "Okay, colleges are going to decline you if you don't have good grades!! GET TO IT!" So, I did. My last year of high school, I got straight a's for most the year, I think. I don't even really remember now. On top of that, I became involved in the band which was one of the best decisions I made in high school. I went back to the local dance studio and began training in dance again - not just school dance team, which is pretty easy dancing and not extremely technical. I was dancing again, and it felt so great to actually feel like I was getting better; not just dancing to put on a show.
Anyway, as I sit here in the midst of my 'busy' college life, I find myself still in my "good grade craze", which is good. I am determined tonight to stay up as late as I need to, to get this paper done. One might wonder what the prompt for this paper is? "Actual Performance realization vs. Concept of Composition in Several Cultures."
Yeah... Beats me. I'm completely in the dark on this one, which is why I'm not writing it right now. My friend and I are currently trying to help each other out by exchanging some notes over Skype. I hope that's not cheating..
To sum this up, I miss Prescott, but I'm also kindof liking this newfound freedom that I've had, that I also haven't abused like most college freshman tend to do. I am actually going to bed earlier than I did when I was in high school, and I am actually really organized! I'm proud of myself!
Well that was enough self-loving for the night I guess, haha. I should probably start writing my paper now.
Tomorrow, when I'll have a moment to myself, I'll try and update my 30 Day Challenge all in one post.
XOX<3
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 6
I couldn't choose between these two, but I chose:
Conan O'Brien and......
Queen Elizabeth II!
Yeah, I know they are opposites but I couldn't choose!
Conan gets to meet awesome celebrities every single day, and everyone LOVES him. Also, The Queen of England has so many civil duties and such, and I would love to experience that.
xox
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 5
This is hilarious....
I was doing improv pictures with one of my best friends Keith, and this was what he came up with for "Dirty Sock". Spur of the moment, last minute pose. SO funny!!!
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 4
ahhh.....
MACHU PICCHU!!!
There is something so enchanting about this place. I think everyone can tell why I say that... HOW can you not think this is amazing?!?
Anyway, I actually have a pretty extensive list of 'places I'd want to visit', so I just chose a random one in the top 5. :)
Hopefully, you all have heard of Machu Picchu, but if not, it is an Inca site located in Peru that is just exquisite.
Here's a little history on it that I quickly pulled up from Wikipedia (hey, I still like Wiki I don't care what anyone says!)
Machu Picchu was built around 1450, at the height of the Inca Empire.[3] It was abandoned just over 100 years later, in 1572, as a belated result of the Spanish Conquest.[3][4] It is likely that most of its inhabitants died from smallpox introduced by travelers before the Spanish conquistadores arrived in the area.[citation needed] The latter had notes of a place called Piccho, although there is no record of the Spanish having visited the remote city. The types of sacred rocks defaced by the conquistadors in other locations are untouched at Machu Picchu.[4]
Hiram Bingham theorized that the complex was the traditional birthplace of the Incan "Virgins of the Suns".[5] More recent research by scholars such as John Rowe and Richard Burger, has convinced most archaeologists that Machu Picchu was an estate of the Inca emperor Pachacuti.[4] In addition, Johan Reinhard presented evidence that the site was selected because of its position relative to sacred landscape features such as its mountains, which are purported to be in alignment with key astronomical events important to the Incas.
I think this would be a lovely place to backpack around with friends, family, or with a significant other - I'm good with either and all, and hopefully I will someday!
That is a slice of heaven that picture, isn't it? I can't get over it... It must be so much more incredible in person.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 3
This photo me so happy, because it was such a memorable day. It is so rare to be able to have you and all your friends in a different country together... costly.
I picked this picture because it was one of my favorite days during the band London trip last year. Fortunately, my chaperoned group included only all of my friends, so we took a trip to the British Museum. The entire time, we were using our fake British accents, walking around, just talking about what ever we could for everyone to hear. It was actually pretty stupid, but it was also so hilarious. This is one of many pictures we took in the museum - this one we were just trying to act like we were asleep. The point? Not sure. Who cares!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 2
Ahh....Eydn.
Our story is kindof funny actually, since we're really the best of friends.
We met when I was 3 and she was 4 (she's almost exactly year older than me but not quite), and we didn't like each other at all!
We have gone to school together since Kindergarten, and knew each other even before that. All throughout elementary school and up through high school, we were and still are each other's best friend.
You know when you're best friends with someone..It's like even if you two haven't talked in days, when you get to converse again it's like there was no time in between. That's kindof how she and I are now since we live clear across the country from each other.
I can honestly say that, I am not sure if I would be here today if it weren't for her. I had some really, really hard times throughout my life and childhood so far, and she as been there every single time for me, to help me get through it all. I cannot express how thankful I am for this person to be in my life, and at that be such a huge part of my life.
Not only has she been there for the bad stuff, but we have shared SO many countless memories together, and experienced new things together. I think we were together for our first party, first real depression (for both of us), first heartbreaks. I remember the first person that I thought I was in loved with - one of my friends told me to get over him, and was really blunt (which it sounds bad, but I couldn't thank her more) and this friend opened up my eyes, because deep inside, all I was doing was trying to convince myself it was going my way. Anyway, when I realized that him and I were done, and I had finally come to that realization and didn't back down, I think I might've cried for almost the entire day. It may sound kindof dumb or like I'm trying make people feel sorry for myself, but really it took a huge toll on me. It was someone I basically wasted almost three years trying to make things work with, and was okay with being his 2nd choice. Am I the only one that's been through this? It was like, he only talked to me or anything when he wanted to. And at the time, or all throughout freshman-junior year, I was okay with that. I felt like, "any time is better than none at all." Wow, was I wrong.
Again back to the story and not going on a tangent again, all those hours I cried... Eydn came over. I think it was a Saturday, and she could've done anything in the world but come over to my house. It was 6 or 7 at night when she finally arrived, and we took a fleece blanket from my room and went out to my car. We put the top down, and played music in the car, looking up at the stars. It would've been totally romantic if it were with a sig. other, hahaha. Back to story... we just stayed out there for hours- probably until midnight. I was crying, basically detoxing, and she cried. Next thing we knew, we both woke up and it was almost midnight, and she had to get home.
That's always one of those memories I'll hold close in my heart because that was such a turning point in my life, and she was there to ...witness it, I guess.
So, I dedicated my photo challenge day 2 photo to my bestest friend, Eydn. The person who has seen me at my worst, best, been there for the worst and best.... my best friend. <3
Friday, November 5, 2010
30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 1
I contemplate doing things based on what other people will think alot which I guess you could say is a flaw. Maybe like, the "30 day photo challenge" that many of my friends have been participating on through facebook and through here. Usually, it's because I'm thinking, "I hope everyone doesn't think I'm just some copycat", or "I hope I'm not conforming to much to what's 'in' "... Just things like that. It's like I'm afraid to get caught up in the crowd...Is that a bad thing to admit?
With that set aside, I've been thinking for a couple weeks or so, whether or not to begin this photo challenge. For me, I had to debate this because of these alterior thoughts I had, thinking of if I want to be joining the bandwagon. I really think it's interesting, so I think once the 30 days is done, I'll just transfer every picture with the info. I think that will be less annoying to all my 964 friends on facebook to get a dumb notification on their news feed that "Tiffany has added 1 photo to her news feed" every single day for 30 days.
So, here is where I birth my 30 day photo challenge (hahah, birth.)...or where it commences!
(I also tried to pick one that seemed to have a different list than the common one that i've been seeing on facebook, but there are alot of similarities. Oh well- a list is a list!)
Day 1: A Picture of Yourself with 10 Facts
1. When I'm put on the spot, it's hard for me to defend myself most of the time because my mind goes blank, and I end up thinking of really good comebacks wayy after the fact (I'm guessing I'm not the only person that goes through this... I can't be!!)
2. I can keep a secret.
A lot of people probably wouldn't think this is an attribute I have because I'm pretty open with everyone. That's just one of the personaliy traits I guess you could call say that I pride myself in.
3. I'm easy to talk to.
I don't know why actually, but somehow I've had people I'm not that great of friends wth open up to me. Personally, I find it flattering that the person will be able to just.. open up to me, and tell me what their problems or sadness is coming from. I'm glad that I can be a person that someone can feel comfortable talking about things with.
4. I'm a hypocrite
5. I am quite the emotional person, which yeah that's not really a good thing either is it? haha. I easily cry in movies (even have during a few previews), I get scared easily during movies, I can be quick to anger.
6. I honestly think I might have paranoia.
7. I hold onto bad feelings, and I wish I could just let grudges go. As much as you can tell yourself, "there's no time in life for grudges, just move past it -move on." - yeah, I can't do that. With...certain things. It really all depends on the situation, I suppose. With some things, I'll forget about it and move on quicker than one should, but with other situations, I could waste my day thinking about it, tearing myself up. It's ridiculous.
8. I'm lovable. I love people, I love friends, I love family. I think it's rather easy for people to like me; I don't mean this in a conceited way - but I can't think of that many people that don't like me. I can think of... 2, haha.
9. I trust people easily and quickly. Actually, I think I trust people too easily. Maybe that's part of the reason why people can open up to me easily, because I tend to open myself up to them, too.
10. It's taken me awhile to think of a tenth fact about me, but I think I've found one. I'm kindof a perv. Maybe that is why the majority of my friends are boys; I'm not really sure, or maybe most of my friends are boys. Regardless, I'm a perv. I enjoy crude humor (it's my favorite, i.e. one of my favorite movies is "Anchorman"), and I make crude jokes. I'm crass, as my mom would say.
Well there is my ten facts about me. Did most of you know these about me? Or were there some where you thought, "oh that is cool/weird/sad I didn't know that..." ?
I forgot to put a picture up for 1st day of the challenge. oops
xox
With that set aside, I've been thinking for a couple weeks or so, whether or not to begin this photo challenge. For me, I had to debate this because of these alterior thoughts I had, thinking of if I want to be joining the bandwagon. I really think it's interesting, so I think once the 30 days is done, I'll just transfer every picture with the info. I think that will be less annoying to all my 964 friends on facebook to get a dumb notification on their news feed that "Tiffany has added 1 photo to her news feed" every single day for 30 days.
So, here is where I birth my 30 day photo challenge (hahah, birth.)...or where it commences!
(I also tried to pick one that seemed to have a different list than the common one that i've been seeing on facebook, but there are alot of similarities. Oh well- a list is a list!)
Day 1: A Picture of Yourself with 10 Facts
1. When I'm put on the spot, it's hard for me to defend myself most of the time because my mind goes blank, and I end up thinking of really good comebacks wayy after the fact (I'm guessing I'm not the only person that goes through this... I can't be!!)
2. I can keep a secret.
A lot of people probably wouldn't think this is an attribute I have because I'm pretty open with everyone. That's just one of the personaliy traits I guess you could call say that I pride myself in.
3. I'm easy to talk to.
I don't know why actually, but somehow I've had people I'm not that great of friends wth open up to me. Personally, I find it flattering that the person will be able to just.. open up to me, and tell me what their problems or sadness is coming from. I'm glad that I can be a person that someone can feel comfortable talking about things with.
4. I'm a hypocrite
5. I am quite the emotional person, which yeah that's not really a good thing either is it? haha. I easily cry in movies (even have during a few previews), I get scared easily during movies, I can be quick to anger.
6. I honestly think I might have paranoia.
7. I hold onto bad feelings, and I wish I could just let grudges go. As much as you can tell yourself, "there's no time in life for grudges, just move past it -move on." - yeah, I can't do that. With...certain things. It really all depends on the situation, I suppose. With some things, I'll forget about it and move on quicker than one should, but with other situations, I could waste my day thinking about it, tearing myself up. It's ridiculous.
8. I'm lovable. I love people, I love friends, I love family. I think it's rather easy for people to like me; I don't mean this in a conceited way - but I can't think of that many people that don't like me. I can think of... 2, haha.
9. I trust people easily and quickly. Actually, I think I trust people too easily. Maybe that's part of the reason why people can open up to me easily, because I tend to open myself up to them, too.
10. It's taken me awhile to think of a tenth fact about me, but I think I've found one. I'm kindof a perv. Maybe that is why the majority of my friends are boys; I'm not really sure, or maybe most of my friends are boys. Regardless, I'm a perv. I enjoy crude humor (it's my favorite, i.e. one of my favorite movies is "Anchorman"), and I make crude jokes. I'm crass, as my mom would say.
Well there is my ten facts about me. Did most of you know these about me? Or were there some where you thought, "oh that is cool/weird/sad I didn't know that..." ?
I forgot to put a picture up for 1st day of the challenge. oops
xox
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Feeling Management
How is it possible, that a person can go from one happy feeling so quickly to the next?
How can I go from feeling like, "Hey- I actually look good today!" to,
"I feel like shit."
These days, I find my insecurities growing stronger as my confidence dwindles. I can't seem to hold onto my happiness, and it leaves me quickly. I find myself more often than it should be, staring at myself, pointing out all my insecurities and flaws, picking at everything I wish I could change about myself.
I used to be able to tell people there is something I like about me, but now I can't. I can't seem to muster anything.
Other than that, I struggle to find things about myself that I take pride in. Why do I feel this way?
Am I depressed again? How does it revive itself after a few years, just out of nowhere? Why am I lacking confidence? There is something wrong with me.... I feel like anyone I come in contact with, I'm comparing them to me. Can't I just be happy with myself; can I just be content?
People are never content, and never settle. The world won't keep spinning if there isn't hope, or if there isn't some optimism or something to look forward to - something to aim for. People need goals, and I guess I have mine. Mine are just more of standards.
I'm actually done with my sad spell now I think, and I love being able to vent somewhere. I wish Eydn was here. She always knew just the right things to say to me at times like these, and wouldn't be lying asleep passed out next to me. I think I miss her more than she misses me. Afterall, I think I need her more than she needs me too as well haha. I think she understands me more than anyone, and more than anyone ever will.
I wish someone wasn't blinded by love to see what I'm really like. I'm not perfect, and I'm filled with flaws. I'm bitter, insecure, and I am not happy with myself right now, and really haven't been for a long time.
I want my insecurity to go away.
How can I go from feeling like, "Hey- I actually look good today!" to,
"I feel like shit."
These days, I find my insecurities growing stronger as my confidence dwindles. I can't seem to hold onto my happiness, and it leaves me quickly. I find myself more often than it should be, staring at myself, pointing out all my insecurities and flaws, picking at everything I wish I could change about myself.
I used to be able to tell people there is something I like about me, but now I can't. I can't seem to muster anything.
Other than that, I struggle to find things about myself that I take pride in. Why do I feel this way?
Am I depressed again? How does it revive itself after a few years, just out of nowhere? Why am I lacking confidence? There is something wrong with me.... I feel like anyone I come in contact with, I'm comparing them to me. Can't I just be happy with myself; can I just be content?
People are never content, and never settle. The world won't keep spinning if there isn't hope, or if there isn't some optimism or something to look forward to - something to aim for. People need goals, and I guess I have mine. Mine are just more of standards.
I'm actually done with my sad spell now I think, and I love being able to vent somewhere. I wish Eydn was here. She always knew just the right things to say to me at times like these, and wouldn't be lying asleep passed out next to me. I think I miss her more than she misses me. Afterall, I think I need her more than she needs me too as well haha. I think she understands me more than anyone, and more than anyone ever will.
I wish someone wasn't blinded by love to see what I'm really like. I'm not perfect, and I'm filled with flaws. I'm bitter, insecure, and I am not happy with myself right now, and really haven't been for a long time.
I want my insecurity to go away.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
You're Dangerous...I'm Lovin' It..
Yael Naim did a cover of "Toxic" - a Britney Spears song. Personally, it's I think one of three songs I liked that Britney Spears has done.
I like Yael Naim's version better though... It's creepier!
Check it out:
Just thought I'd share a bit of creepy lovin'.
xox
I like Yael Naim's version better though... It's creepier!
Check it out:
Just thought I'd share a bit of creepy lovin'.
xox
Monday, November 1, 2010
Weird Weekend
My weekend went almost completely wrong!
My friends from Flagstaff were supposed to come up for the weekend (which they actually did), but we were planning on hanging out on different days, (which is my fault). I thought they'd be here on the actual Halloween, not the Saturday before Halloween. Now that I think about it, I feel dumb for thinking actual Halloween because that's a Sunday - NOT saturday!! So, that night I was supposed to go to one of Tyler's coworker's parties, but we actually ended up getting out of our costumes and strolling around Mill Ave.
Sunday, I went to Cardinals game with Tyler's family which had a bad encounter. I must've had my good shorts on, because I guess Big Bertha was causing a scene, and then Tyler called these 40-something year old men out on it. Then, his mom actually stepped in and it wasn't a scary situation anymore - it was just funny! Tyler's mom, there to save his ass! Haha! After the game anyway, we went to a Halloween party that included Trick or Treating and then "Zombieland" (surprisingly, not a bad movie!)
Haley & Jennie when you read this, SO sorry our plans didn't work out and I feel like a complete dummy, and I really wish we could have hung out because I know we would've had such a fun time. Anyway I hope plans worked out for you both down here, besides the whole thing with me hah.
So now, my dilemma has shifted over to my room: I can't find my digital camera ANYWHERE! Believe it or not, I spent about 30 minutes today looking for it, and right as I typed the first sentence of this paragraph out, I magically looked above my closet and there it was! Gosh, that was so weird. Well since I now have my camera, I can upload the pictures from Halloween.
Tyler and I did the show Dexter. He was Dexter, and I was one of his victims.
If any of you are unfamiliar with the show, he's a serial killer (but a very clean killer!) that wraps his victims in shrink wrap, cuts their right cheek for a blood sample, and then chops up their bodies! Haha, I know kindof gross - BUT it is a great show... I think everyone should watch it, but only if you're not sensitive to nudity and blood!
When my internet allows for it, I will upload pictures from Halloween (there's not many!)
I hope everyone had a great Halloween (especially Haley & Jennie xo)
And a Happy Birthday to my Dad, whose birthday was Halloween! I still feel bad I wasn't able to tag along to Tucson for his birthday.
My friends from Flagstaff were supposed to come up for the weekend (which they actually did), but we were planning on hanging out on different days, (which is my fault). I thought they'd be here on the actual Halloween, not the Saturday before Halloween. Now that I think about it, I feel dumb for thinking actual Halloween because that's a Sunday - NOT saturday!! So, that night I was supposed to go to one of Tyler's coworker's parties, but we actually ended up getting out of our costumes and strolling around Mill Ave.
Sunday, I went to Cardinals game with Tyler's family which had a bad encounter. I must've had my good shorts on, because I guess Big Bertha was causing a scene, and then Tyler called these 40-something year old men out on it. Then, his mom actually stepped in and it wasn't a scary situation anymore - it was just funny! Tyler's mom, there to save his ass! Haha! After the game anyway, we went to a Halloween party that included Trick or Treating and then "Zombieland" (surprisingly, not a bad movie!)
Haley & Jennie when you read this, SO sorry our plans didn't work out and I feel like a complete dummy, and I really wish we could have hung out because I know we would've had such a fun time. Anyway I hope plans worked out for you both down here, besides the whole thing with me hah.
So now, my dilemma has shifted over to my room: I can't find my digital camera ANYWHERE! Believe it or not, I spent about 30 minutes today looking for it, and right as I typed the first sentence of this paragraph out, I magically looked above my closet and there it was! Gosh, that was so weird. Well since I now have my camera, I can upload the pictures from Halloween.
Tyler and I did the show Dexter. He was Dexter, and I was one of his victims.
If any of you are unfamiliar with the show, he's a serial killer (but a very clean killer!) that wraps his victims in shrink wrap, cuts their right cheek for a blood sample, and then chops up their bodies! Haha, I know kindof gross - BUT it is a great show... I think everyone should watch it, but only if you're not sensitive to nudity and blood!
When my internet allows for it, I will upload pictures from Halloween (there's not many!)
I hope everyone had a great Halloween (especially Haley & Jennie xo)
And a Happy Birthday to my Dad, whose birthday was Halloween! I still feel bad I wasn't able to tag along to Tucson for his birthday.
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