New dance era

I have always loved dance. Always.  I have never dated someone who danced a lot, or considered themselves a dancer. I always was with someone that would watch me do my thing. Like, it's my hobby and they have their own but we appreciate each other's talents. This talent became a shared one; I was never watching him dance because I am part of that hobby. We were each other's partners.  When I initially found out he was going away, I was just shocked. I didn't even think about dance.

Once dance kicked in my brain, I realized that ballroom dance had become something for me that was a love I shared with the person I love.  I felt like I can't do that with anybody else. It would be too weird. Now if the situation was reversed, I think he would still miss dancing with me but he also did it more for himself - for his gain.  He is much better at keeping things mutually exclusive.  I start to overlap my interests and feelings with each other.  For me, the thought of dancing with someone else was just weird. Why would I do that? He's my partner. Which is dumb. But when someone else asked to be my dance partner after finding out that I won't be with Gabi anymore, I didn't jump at the opportunity and I think most would in that situation. Especially if it's someone good. Good dancer guys are hard to come by.  So I asked myself what is wrong here. This guy is a great dancer. And it's because it's like I'm not ready.  But this may be good for me; to remind me why I loved dancing in the first place. I don't love dancing because of Gabi, I love dancing because I love dancing. Even if he made me love it more.  I think dancing with someone I am not romantically interested or attracted to will be good for this situation/me. I will remember why I love dancing without that romantic component.

It's just hard. It'll be hard going on the floor and not having Gabi next to me holding my hand.