Thursday, July 29, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

Ah, College. Life.

As the date comes closer and closer (FOR COLLEGE..wow sounds like I'm hinting a baby), I get more nervous by the day. I have already met my roommate, Alyssa, I've met other students that will be in my dorm wing as well. It's all so new and exciting, but at the same time, I'm scared! What if I'm a complete fool and I'm befriended by no one? What if I am so different from my roommate that she almost dislikes me? What if we never get along? What if I fail so miserably within the first month of school that I'm forced to drop out at semester. These things happen to people all the time. Well, at least I've heard most of the girls who party too hard end up getting kicked out of Arizona State and going to Mesa Community College. I'm not saying I'm going to be some huge party girl, but what if I get miserably sick, and it holds me back for a couple days which results in holding me back continuously? I hope I'm not the only college bound student thinking this way. There's still so much I have to do. Get a really good lock for my bike, Dorm supplies (!!!!!!), prepare for my music audition, there's much more. I just feel so ill-prepared for such a huge transition in my life, yet i don't know how to get ahead. I don't want to be one of those freaks that has their entire dorm supplies completely ready 13 months before the move in date.. I just want a sense of clarity and relaxation. But hey - when's there time for relaxation in college...why lie?! haha. I know from previous posts, one would think I'm going to love being away from home, which to be completely honest I will be. At the same time though, yeah. It will be weird not waking up to the smell of my mom's cooking in the morning, and walking around the house trying to find out where she is, and to find out she's working out. It'll be weird not waking up and seeing my dogs adorable big bug eyes staring up at me, or waking up to her snoring so loud that its the reason why I'm waking up in the first place. It'll be weird not waking up to Tyler's phone calls, and not having him come over after he worked a long day. It's going to be weird not watching American Idol with my parents this year when it comes around, and it's going to be weird (but so pleasant) not to have my parents calling me asking "Where are you at this time of night?!", when it is only 9:27 pm. It's going to be weird not going to the local orchestra rehearsals 3 times a week, and seeing all those wonderful people on a regular basis. It's going to be sad not going to school everyday, being with alot of people I grew up with. It's going to be sad not performing in those concerts at the concert hall where my parents are there to watch me, and occasionally the boyfriend or best friend. It'll be so weird, and so sad. It will be so saddening when on a Tuesday in college, while I'm writing my English paper due the next day at 3 pm, I'll remember that exactly a year ago, I'd be in my violin lesson at George's house, soaking in all I can and laughing at his genius-smart self and his hysterical humor. It will be sad not seeing Tyler's mom and seeing the new shoes she bought, or showing her the ones I bought; her making me feel so welcome in their home. It will be weird not sleeping in the bed I slept in most of my life. It will be sad leaving behind most of the belongings I grew up being around. The more I think about all this, the more I get that painful burn in my throat for the sudden urge to cry. I feel like I grew up 3 years ago, yet I'm not ready to leave my childhood, or my comfortable messy room, and my comfortable messy home. I'm not ready to leave my mom, or my dad, but I know I am going to and will have to. This is a weak state of mind right now, so I feel especially vulnerable for those "mommy daddy" feelings. A couple weeks ago or so, I had a post where you'd think I was moving out of my house that day. I was so independent, not a little girl anymore. Yeah, I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm not. But it's also sad to have suddenly spur of the moment reflect on my minute life that is only beginning, and where it's taken me so far.
What must parents think at times like these; to see their youngest child who they remember was in the womb at a time, and then playing with baby toys in diapers, is now going off to college. The little girl who used to sit on her dad's back while he walked around on the ground like a horse, who used to hold onto his leg as her sister was on the other, and he'd walk around the house. The little girl who used to dance around the kitchen with her dad and sister, and the girl who played dress up with her mom. That little girl who broke one of her moms expensive shoes, because of playing dress up. The little girl who at one time, relied on her mommy and daddy for everything, and now just needs money for college and food, but wants to be on their own.
I could continue with the sappy memories, but it is actually making me cry, and my dad is still next to me typing away, haha. So on that note, I should stop. I hope this made other's get that burning throat feeling with watery eyes, because it did for me.

Thoughts that have an immediate overwhelming control of my feelings:

1. Animal abuse & cruelty

2. The holocaust

3. If my mom cries

4. Thoughts of my childhood..those memories that left me what seems like far too
quickly.

Well, now that I've calmed down and am not so depressed about college and my childhood (actually I still am, but I should probably stop anyway), I am going to go shower, and maybe practice my orchestra audition music some more.

I think I need a hug. Or cuddling.


xox

No, Gracias.

This phrase I used a lot while my stay on the beach all throughout the vacation: the Mexican vendors are constantly coming up to you to sell what wonderful trinkets and souvenirs they have, and they aren't a hassle at ALL! all they say is, "bracelets, miss?" Or what ever it may be, and you go, "No, gracias", or if it's an expensive price i'll go, "oh, no mi gusta- muy carro!" haha. Today was spent at the dentist's, then we went to find our new favorite eatery here, La Curva. To our surprise, they were not closed for the weekend, no. They were closed for the next MONTH! Till September 2nd to be exact! wow! So that was out of the picture and we went to a sports bar & grill by the harbor, which was very very good by the way.
It's kind of a funny situation every time we go to the downtown area: once we park, one of the runners for the restaurants, Esteban sees us and runs out to try and get us to go to the restaurant that he works for. He is such a hassle. He begs and begs! We have already gone twice, so we told him, "we have to experience the other restaurants and also walk around- we can't just keep coming to eat here!" Which is totally true.
We've encountered a few scam artists during our stay which is somewhat annoying, but whatever, they're making a living-or trying.
My sister had a pretty bad day today (concerning the bf), so I hope they get better in time. Tyler and I have been in a rut during most of the trip, but we skyped last night for probably 2 or 3 hours, so that was really wonderful to be able to see his face again and talk to him (there's no cell talking service here, but texts go through). We cleared the air of our arguements, brought up new ones, cleared those, so it's like a new rainbow, as fruity as that sounds. It really is. We understand each other's point of view on him moving to Chandler to be closer to me, and he understands why I didn't want him to. It's way, way more complicated than that, trust me I wish I could write it all out; but, unfortunately there are just too many previous stories that go along with this one that would probably be not very juicy.
Well..tonight's our last night here in Puerto Penasco, and I'm sitting here out on our balcony typing away next to my dad, (he's on his laptop, too) while he searches for his old secretary. She was his favorite secretary; both my mom's and his, and he wants to find her so she can be his secretary again, I think. Angela Johnson from Illinois, if you're out there, contact my dad!
Outside is a bit humid, but a cool breeze to make up for it and beautiful lights around the pools and other hotel balconies. If I could, I'd upload pictures right this very second, and probably would've been during the entire trip. I could use my webcam built into this lovely hi tech hp new friend of mine, but I'm not sure you'd see anything but what would look like fireflies.

Get ready for an image heavy blog post when I make my return to Arizona!

we leave tomorrow, but are staying in Tucson a day or two, then Tempe, THEN home. What a trip!

Xox<3

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Quanta Questa Esto?

I had this saying DOWN by yesterday...
"How much is this?" We went down to where everyone goes to shop, and that is all I was asking. They weren't giving me good prices though, since they knew I was American, or "gringa". They give my mom good prices - it seems like where ever she goes, she looks like a local.
I'm currently sitting on our balcony and the weather is beautiful. It's day 4 of our Puerto Penasco, Sonora trip in Mexico, and it's fantastic.

Update...

On the first day here, we met people from AZ who was also a participant in the AZ all-state orchestra. Such a coincidence. So, we have been talking alot every time we see each other, and even the next night, we whipped out our violins and played in the lobby - we got lots of listeners! It's so fun to play alone and just let people enjoy hearing what you have to play, but even better when you're with someone else!
This boy's name- Emilio (yes, like Emilio Estevez), is 2 years below me and also plans to attend Arizona State...good for him! He is pretty timid, but a very nice person. His mom is such a hoot, too. Very loud, bubbly, effervescent person! The dad is also a very funny person too, and he also got really really BLACK! haha.

Yesterday was Day 3, and we began it with the beach. I encountered a racist bigot, and, wow. There is nothing more that annoys and angers me than bigoted, racist, or close minded ignorant people. My sister and I got our hair braided, and he couldn't stop making racial remarks! So finally, when we were leaving the beach, he wouldn't stop so I just said, "Hey are you married?" (and I think the people with him thought I was trying to set us up) so they were like "Nope, he's not!" And I said, "Well I didn't think so. I can see why."

Good riddance to him!!

Hope you are all doing wonderful.

Xox! off to the beach again...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Yo Quiero...

Hola from Mexico! For some reason, I completely forgot to mention that I would be leaving for Mexico today. Well, I am here now and it is beautiful! I love it! We're staying at the Las Palomas Beach & Resort. WOW! Complete with a "lazy river" style pool, infinity pool connecting straight to the bar (so awesome), beach access, great restaurants. It's so weird; all of this is surrounded by multiple other resorts, and after the resorts it is just desolate beach sand! Perfect for quadding. Anyway, I'm in complete awe of the beauty of the place, even if you have to travel a bit to get to it. Tomorrow, we're going into town where more locals are, not where its all just ritzy resort stuff - so I'm kinda excited! :)
The only drag about this all was just the ride down. It was a long drive, and I am really in all honesty not a road person. More of a flyin' gal! Last night, we drove to Tucson and stayed in our house there for the night, then ventured off the next morning to Mexico in our big black escalade, haha. The ride down was actually much, much better than I thought it would be: we (my family) have been all getting along so well, and it is so refreshing let me tell you. I mean, for probably over an hour, my sister and I were going back and forth reminiscing memories of our silly and girly childhood. It was so fun, and i could tell my mom and dad enjoyed it too, because they didn't say a word the entire time - you could tell they were listening!
Maybe this is pretty average for your family, to get along and reminisce and all. In mine, it's rare, but it is really great and I'm loving the feeling of actually being a family. Thank you Mexico!

I will post more stuff on this trip later and throughout the week that I am here.

xox

p.s: Definitely met someone else here from AZ!! And he participated in the all-state orchestra too- So cool!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dream Interpretation

So it is 4:49 AM Saturday morning, and I've been up for almost an hour now. I was abruptly woken up because I had probably one of the worst dreams of my life! In the dream, I had found out my mom died, and it was during a time when her and I weren't getting along. In the dream, I had found out from Eydn's step dad, and then Tyler drove me to the place where she died, and where her car still was. It was in a location downtown, kinda in a more blue collar area. It wasn't even a real street or anything in my city's actual downtown, it just looked similar. Anyway, once we arrived at the house, I saw our car there, and I was walking up to the house, then immediately collapsed and just began bawling. I was crying so hard in my dream, that I couldn't even breathe. This is where it got pretty unrealistic: People in the house that came out were just a few random people I know in my life: a kid in my band class this year, Vince, my stand partner in the local POPS symphony, Sheryl, and then halfway through the conversation they were having with me while I was still on the ground - my dad just interjects a comment and he's also too suddenly there.
The weird thing is, I woke up at around 3:48 I think it was, and saw that I was still on the phone with Tyler: we had fallen asleep on the phone again. So I hung up the phone and just went back to bed. The dream seemed to last almost a whole day, and it was about a 5 minute dream. I woke up at I think it was 3:54. How did a dream like that occur in that short of time?! ..What made my mind think of that dream? It's not like I want that to happen.. at all!!
Tyler was in a psychology class last semester, and he learned alot about the sleeping patterns of us humans. I don't remember it fully, but there was something I remember him saying about having 4 levels of sleep, and you really only dream on the first or second level (could be just first actually). Your body in the course of the night goes through these levels several times, in order, and then reverse order. 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 1. I think. It makes sense; I mean, I did conspire that dream into my mind within 4 minutes.
It was such a terrible dream; I woke up, and tears were soaking my eyes. I actually left my bed and went to my parent's room, and checked if she was still alive. By that point, I obviously knew she was still alive, but it was just to make me feel better I suppose. When I got there, she was already awake just watching the TV, and I just stood there and she said, "What are you doing here?" and then I replied, "I was just checking if you were still alive."
"What?"
"I had a dream you died," I said, and I started to cry a little again while hugging her. She just patted me on the back and said it was just a dream, and that I got a dream like that because I don't pray before I go to bed anymore, haha.
When I woke up, I tried calling both Tyler and Eydn; Tyler was incoherently speaking, and Eydn didn't reply- but hey, that's alot to ask for at 4 in the morning..I can't just expect they'll arise right away because I had a terrible dream ha.

This dream really struck me (obviously) so I decided to look up the interpretation of it on dreammoods.com. Here is what came up:

In particular, to dream about the death of your parents, indicates that you are undergoing a significant change in your waking life. Your relationship with your parents has evolved into a new realm.


This led me to conspire, "Did I have this nightmare because of my ventilation on my blog yesterday?"
I'm actually not sure, but I think letting those feelings out probably had a lot to do with it. Now, what does it mean that my relationship with my parents has evolved into a new realm. Is that a good thing? I sure hope so. I don't mean to burst the interpretation bubble, but I honestly haven't felt a different connection or in a different realm with them really, like at all. It's just - normal. I wish I knew more on this... I really do. Any feedback? If not, I will just contemplate these feelings while tanning, or something.

Wow, what a start to the day.. I'm probably going to be really drowsy by 7 pm haha.

Sweet dreams everyone, literally. Or I hope everyone currently is at the moment (because no one is going to be awake right now!)

xoxx

Friday, July 9, 2010

10 Things I Love About This Summer

(no particular order)

1. I've liked my unstructured time - it will be so much different come August 19th.

2. The Racquet Club's salt water pool.

3. Tanning

4. My final violin lessons with the best teacher and mentor I have ever known.

5. My later curfew

6. The way I treasure almost every day: the last summer before things are getting serious in my little life.

7. The parties my family has thrown

8. The friends I'm surrounded by

9. My pets

10. Eydn

xoxx

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Town a Mile High

When I'm on vacation, when most people will find out when I'm from (Arizona), they are immediately answering, "Man it must get really hot! Since it's the desert!" Actually, not in my town. It's a beautiful town about almost 2 hours away from where it begins to classify as the hot, deserty part of Arizona.
In my area, I actually love it. Most people my age can't wait to leave to move into a more city-urban feel, where there's more people, and more opportunities. For me personally, I really do love it. It has that small town feel, especially in the actual downtown area. For a project I had to do my sophomore year in English class, I had to interview a lady from the 1940's that lived here since then, and she said it hasn't changed downtown since then, except for maybe some of the shops- but everything looks the same. That amazes me, and I love that.
Every summer in July, it is the best here. We have a huge parade, lots of patriotic spirit, and the world's oldest rodeo. There's just so many activities that go on around here that it's almost hard to go to all of them! My favorite is definitely the Rodeo Dance. It sounds pretty corny and all, but it honestly, is so fun. I don't even really enjoy country music that much- really at all, but I always have such a wonderful time at the actual dance. This was Tyler and I's second time going together as each other's dates, but I've gone a few more times in the past as well.

First Rodeo Dance





Now these are from this year!










The day after the rodeo dance, I went downtown around the square with my pug, Paris, and I showed her off! There is usually a big art festival every sunday or...maybe not every sunday. Anyway, everyone loved Paris- at one point, my sister got her boyfriend Shane to walk both Paris and Rocky (my sister's pug!).






xox

The Nose Piercing

I recently transferred photos from my sister's camera onto my computer, and came across a myriad of ones from my nose piercing session! Some of them almost hurt to look at, actually. I'm willng to show almost all of them.
I went to this little tattoo piercing shop by the church I used to go to daily as a little girl, "The Shop", and the guy in the pictures is Andrew. He was really nice during the entire process; he even let me lay down for almost a half hour, kept giving me cold towels, all in all I recommend that place to anyone. I would definitely advise that you bring at least one or two friends with you, because in my case you might need them! I brought Eydn (best friend) and Michelle (sister).
For everyone, a piercing is different. I had heard from almost everyone that it didn't hurt the slightest bit, however, me, I was passing out! In some of the pictures, you can see how pale I became within seconds of the piercing. Hopefully I don't change anyone's mind if they wanted to get it done, because everyone really likes my piercing, even if for me, it was painful- and most importantly, I like it! :)








xoxx