....Sums up my weekend. Worst weekend to possibly get sick. I was sick on a weekend when I could really use being healthy, haha. I wasn't able to practice, hang out with anyone, nothing really. I am still kindof sick now, but I am getting so much better. Now its just congestion and a bad cough. Thank you antibiotics!
I was supposed to pick up my roommate from the airport, but she changed plans without letting me know until I had to pick her up. Cool, huh? Yeah I really appreciated that.
Tomorrow I have to play trumpet and teach it too. Haha. FUN! It should be interesting, and I am definitely kinda excited for it if anything.
I also have a really, really long rehearsal with my quartet coming up too most likely tomorrow because I bailed on them all week long. :( I felt kindof bad, but I really couldn't help it. I had the absolute worst timing to get sick. Hopefully I won't again for a while though, because this was a pretty bad one this time.
I can't wait to go home this weekend. I am just not in the greatest of moods and am looking forward to going home and seeing my pets and friends.
Pointless post? Probably qualifies as this one.
xox
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
5am, September 7th
I entitle this tomorrow morning's date, because tomorrow at 5 am there are many dogs that are going to be euthanized. It breaks my heart. Not only that, but it makes me so, so angry. How can people just throw their pets away like it's nothing? They just leave them without food, nothing, like the dog never did anything for them BUT LOVE THEIR OWNER to PIECES. It gets me in tears thinking about these innocent animals that just want to be loved, and cared for. Some don't even live long enough to remember anything, and there are some dogs there that haven't had a home longer than they probably can remember. If i had endless money, and a place to house them, I would take them all. If i could, I would be a part time student and start working there, but I can't. I mean, I can but I'm not sure my parents would support it sadly. (Not like they don't love animals or anything... They're just gung-ho (sp?!) about their daughter's higher education). I keep looking through all the albums the facebook page has - there is an album entitled "Rest in Peace". I didn't get through 6 pictures until I broke down in tears. Why do people accept the responsibility of taking in an animal, if they're just going to do that to the poor thing. think about it.. I bet their pet would never strand them on the side of the road, desert their owner, or abuse them in any way. Never. And what makes it worse is how a dog just suffers; any animal does. They can't speak, they can't express the words they're probably thinking. All i saw in pictures were these sad, longing eyes - like the poor dog knew what it's fate was. Some looked happy - you could tell those pictures were also taken when they were brought to the local Petco to be shown (to be adopted!!!!). I hope somehow, people start realizing that there are many, many animals in desperate need of homes. even tonight, there's a hotline that you can call to save one of these poor dog's lives. They don't deserve to die, just because their stupid, irresponsible, inhumane owner abused/stranded them. They don't deserve it. I wish I could take them all and save them, but I can't. The hardest part: Choosing just ONE.
http://www.facebook.com/the5amdogsofaz#!/the5amdogsofaz
http://www.facebook.com/the5amdogsofaz#!/the5amdogsofaz
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Last day in the Sweet S-R
This is definitely better late than never, but here we go! My last night in Sulzbach-Rosenburg was the most fun by far, and the most memorable!!
It's a little hazy now, especially since it's been about a week. We all told ourselves; Olivia, Matthew, Ezra, Rachel, and I that we were going to stay out that night. We were, no matter what. It was our absolute LAST night together, so no matter how tired we were or frustrated, we were going to live it up - we did, or maybe over did it a little (except me!ha).
We started our drinking power trip right before we had to play our final concert. Ezra and Rachel scored some free Ouzo (a Greek liquor), so we took a couple shots of that before performing. We played the concert in the town of Sulzbach-Rosenberg's huge stone church, meaning absolutely no warmth is in there since it is stone sealed. Since I drank though right before the performance, I kept thinking to myself on stage, "Is it toasty in here?!" The performance went well. I just couldn't wait till it was over so we could start enjoying ourselves more!
We stayed at the Bayerischer whatever it's called until about 12:30 am, and then ventured to outside the "S&M" building. We call it that because it is actually called the "SMS Building". The first day Ezra said it, and it just stuck from there. We danced, smoked, and just enjoyed each others company while enjoying a chilly night for about three hours. I learned a little salsa, laughed my ass off, made new German friends, made new memories. I ended up having to take care of most of my friends, because they got completely wasted, haha. I packed Rachel's things, helped pack Ezra's (They were both absolutely sh*tfaced!) and they still managed to be late for their shuttle, haha. I walked Olivia home, and she was pretty gone too.
I thought to myself, "Okay. It is 5 am. I can go to bed for 2 hours and make my shuttle at 7." That was funny, and wrong. I woke up so late, slept completely through my alarm set for 7 am, and woke up at 9:30 AM!!!! I instantly went into panic mode. My face got red, my body was warm, i thought I might explode from the overwhelming feeling of my sheer stupidity. I literally started pace/running around the room in circles for about 7 seconds, then darted out of my room in my underwear, straight to Olivia's room to tell her she probably missed her train. Turns out she left without even saying bye to me, even to see if I'd share the taxi with her like she said she would do. Thanks, friend! haha. Yeah, I was pretty pissed, but all in all it was ultimately my fault for oversleeping. I ended up having to spend an extra 105E (euro) to get myself to the airport, pronto. I kept hearing Lino, one of the faculty, telling the taxi, "something in german something in german SHNELL!!!!" I loved it! And they did exactly that. They hurried me to the airport! I made my flight with little ease, but I made it. I got to sit in the best seat in Economy, the one with the most foot room (the seat at the beginning of Econ). My friend Ayako, who I met during the festival, convinced the person next to her to switch with me and so we got to sit next to each other! She was passed out for really the entire flight, so I just watched movie after movie, after movie. I watched Water for Elephants (Which by the way is the saddest movie on the planet next to The Help), African Cats documentary, and others that I honestly can't remember at the moment.
I got back to Arizona, and my roommate Courtney picked me up curbside right at my terminal out of baggage claim. She's a keeper friend for sure. This is a new roommate by the way, not the same as last year.
In conclusion. This trip was of course one I will never forget, but something that has really, changed my life. People I have met there have changed my life, and I made lifelong friends. <3 br="">
It's a little hazy now, especially since it's been about a week. We all told ourselves; Olivia, Matthew, Ezra, Rachel, and I that we were going to stay out that night. We were, no matter what. It was our absolute LAST night together, so no matter how tired we were or frustrated, we were going to live it up - we did, or maybe over did it a little (except me!ha).
We started our drinking power trip right before we had to play our final concert. Ezra and Rachel scored some free Ouzo (a Greek liquor), so we took a couple shots of that before performing. We played the concert in the town of Sulzbach-Rosenberg's huge stone church, meaning absolutely no warmth is in there since it is stone sealed. Since I drank though right before the performance, I kept thinking to myself on stage, "Is it toasty in here?!" The performance went well. I just couldn't wait till it was over so we could start enjoying ourselves more!
We stayed at the Bayerischer whatever it's called until about 12:30 am, and then ventured to outside the "S&M" building. We call it that because it is actually called the "SMS Building". The first day Ezra said it, and it just stuck from there. We danced, smoked, and just enjoyed each others company while enjoying a chilly night for about three hours. I learned a little salsa, laughed my ass off, made new German friends, made new memories. I ended up having to take care of most of my friends, because they got completely wasted, haha. I packed Rachel's things, helped pack Ezra's (They were both absolutely sh*tfaced!) and they still managed to be late for their shuttle, haha. I walked Olivia home, and she was pretty gone too.
I thought to myself, "Okay. It is 5 am. I can go to bed for 2 hours and make my shuttle at 7." That was funny, and wrong. I woke up so late, slept completely through my alarm set for 7 am, and woke up at 9:30 AM!!!! I instantly went into panic mode. My face got red, my body was warm, i thought I might explode from the overwhelming feeling of my sheer stupidity. I literally started pace/running around the room in circles for about 7 seconds, then darted out of my room in my underwear, straight to Olivia's room to tell her she probably missed her train. Turns out she left without even saying bye to me, even to see if I'd share the taxi with her like she said she would do. Thanks, friend! haha. Yeah, I was pretty pissed, but all in all it was ultimately my fault for oversleeping. I ended up having to spend an extra 105E (euro) to get myself to the airport, pronto. I kept hearing Lino, one of the faculty, telling the taxi, "something in german something in german SHNELL!!!!" I loved it! And they did exactly that. They hurried me to the airport! I made my flight with little ease, but I made it. I got to sit in the best seat in Economy, the one with the most foot room (the seat at the beginning of Econ). My friend Ayako, who I met during the festival, convinced the person next to her to switch with me and so we got to sit next to each other! She was passed out for really the entire flight, so I just watched movie after movie, after movie. I watched Water for Elephants (Which by the way is the saddest movie on the planet next to The Help), African Cats documentary, and others that I honestly can't remember at the moment.
I got back to Arizona, and my roommate Courtney picked me up curbside right at my terminal out of baggage claim. She's a keeper friend for sure. This is a new roommate by the way, not the same as last year.
In conclusion. This trip was of course one I will never forget, but something that has really, changed my life. People I have met there have changed my life, and I made lifelong friends. <3 br="">
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Sulzbach-Rosenberg
So this might be weird and also might take extra long since I am typing on a full touch screen. My mom let me take her iPad to Germany! so far this festival is really unorganized. On the newsletter sent a few weeks before the starting date, they stressed to BE ON TIME to the airport. Everyone ended up waiting for the bus for over a half hour at the airport! We finally were fed so I'm happy, haha. On a much brighter note, it is so beautiful here, and I am staying in a big German cottage looking hotel. Absolutely adorable. It is over a mile away from where we have to be everyday, so I will definitely be getting my exercise!
To go back a few days, I got to sit next to the coolest people on all of my flights! On the flight to New Jersey, I sat next to a lesbian couple and they we absolutely hilarious. They thought I might be heading to NYU since they saw I had a violin with me and I was heading to Newark. I wish!!!!! anyway, after that flight, I was connected to Lufthansa. I missed two of 3 meals served on the plane due to how exhausted I was. I also, after snooping, found out I was sitting next to Charles Kaiser! He is kind of a huge deal in the journalism world. He was super funny and pretty easy to talk to, little did I know that i was chatting up a huge storm with a published author. I first got the feeling he was important when he was being pretty vague about his job. I could tell he was being extremely humble. Sooooo I did some snooping haha. I just happened to glance over at his laptop screen and see that the name said Charles Kaiser, so I tried to remember the name. Turns out I was right, and my sister was mad I didn't give him her card. What am I her publicist? I dont carry around her cards with me ha. On the third flight, I was sitting next to one of the faculty members here for Interharmony. He was such a big help with me finding my hotel, since he knew a little bit of German!
Once I got situated in my hotel, I changed my outfit, let my hair down, and left for downtown Nürnberg. It is such a cool little tourist town! It is basically what one would probably picture a German town to look like in their head. I wish I could include pictures, but I cannot transfer my pictures to the iPad. It's okay though, this thing took off ALOT of weight in my hand carry.
To get to Nürnberg, I had to buy a subway ticket. I had to get to the main station though. So long story short, I talked to at least 7 different Germans and none knew what I was saying, but i somehow,not sure how, got my point across that I needed a ticket to get on this damn thing. Some guy was nice enough to let me use his pass for 2 people ( he was alone) so I thanked him probably more than the normal person does haha.
I just killed time walking around the town, bought a few things, and then got bored. I kept thinking to myself, "this is what you've been wanting to do ALL your life! Travel alone! It was really cool at first and I felt super responsible having to figure everything out alone, but then I got bored, and sort of sad because I had no one to share is awesome town with and everyone else around me seemed to be with at least one other person. So after I ate a Wiggla or something like that (a sandwich with three mini sausages. Sooo good!!) I headed back to the subway to go back to the hotel room.
This is where it gets interesting. I decided I wanted to shower before I go to bed, and it's already like 9:30 or maybe even later. I am standing butt naked in front of the bathroom door when suddenly my hotel door opens! I think quick and get into the bathroom really fast and I hear a "god I've made so many mistakes today!!!! Where are you?!" I answered, "uhhh in the shower!" so I figured it was the maid. I start to get scared though, because I started thinking WHAT maid comes to a room this late? I obviously started thinking the worst possible scenarios, including one similar to when the daughter is kidnapped in the movie "Taken", and so I take the longest possible shower, just hoping whoever is out there is gone by the time I am about to die from being pruned. I finally finish my shower and slowly make my way to the main room of my hotel room and SOMEONE IS IN MY BED!!!!!! I didn't know what to do, I was so shocked I couldnt even scream! Only half of whoever this girl's face is showing. She pulls off the covers, and it's my friend Olivia! I immediately felt so retarded for thinking all the things I was. The reason why I didn't think it was her was because she was supposed to be in Frankfurt, not Nuremberg. Turns out when she received my email that I wasn't staying in Frankfurt, she decided to take a train here. Surprise surprise!!!!!!
After hanging out in the room for a while, we went to the bar downstairs. She had either three or four large sized German beers, and I had three cokes with lime, haha. We stayed for a while, and she ordered me my very first Jaigermeister shot. It was diiiiiiiisgusting. Wow. But I just chased it with my handy coca cola. I also smoked my first full cigarette, and i don't know if it was because I drank before, but the cigarette was just good. And this is coming from someone that gets a headache from any type of tobacco smoke.
So now back to now, I sit here alone in my hotel room. I don't think I'm actually going to be having a roommate, so I have this big room on the top floor to myself. I am kind of lonely though, and do wish there was at least someone to talk to. That's why I'm writing this long blog post, because I have nothing to do till about 5 tonight. I am also waiting for someone to get onto Skype.
I'll do an update soon!
To go back a few days, I got to sit next to the coolest people on all of my flights! On the flight to New Jersey, I sat next to a lesbian couple and they we absolutely hilarious. They thought I might be heading to NYU since they saw I had a violin with me and I was heading to Newark. I wish!!!!! anyway, after that flight, I was connected to Lufthansa. I missed two of 3 meals served on the plane due to how exhausted I was. I also, after snooping, found out I was sitting next to Charles Kaiser! He is kind of a huge deal in the journalism world. He was super funny and pretty easy to talk to, little did I know that i was chatting up a huge storm with a published author. I first got the feeling he was important when he was being pretty vague about his job. I could tell he was being extremely humble. Sooooo I did some snooping haha. I just happened to glance over at his laptop screen and see that the name said Charles Kaiser, so I tried to remember the name. Turns out I was right, and my sister was mad I didn't give him her card. What am I her publicist? I dont carry around her cards with me ha. On the third flight, I was sitting next to one of the faculty members here for Interharmony. He was such a big help with me finding my hotel, since he knew a little bit of German!
Once I got situated in my hotel, I changed my outfit, let my hair down, and left for downtown Nürnberg. It is such a cool little tourist town! It is basically what one would probably picture a German town to look like in their head. I wish I could include pictures, but I cannot transfer my pictures to the iPad. It's okay though, this thing took off ALOT of weight in my hand carry.
To get to Nürnberg, I had to buy a subway ticket. I had to get to the main station though. So long story short, I talked to at least 7 different Germans and none knew what I was saying, but i somehow,not sure how, got my point across that I needed a ticket to get on this damn thing. Some guy was nice enough to let me use his pass for 2 people ( he was alone) so I thanked him probably more than the normal person does haha.
I just killed time walking around the town, bought a few things, and then got bored. I kept thinking to myself, "this is what you've been wanting to do ALL your life! Travel alone! It was really cool at first and I felt super responsible having to figure everything out alone, but then I got bored, and sort of sad because I had no one to share is awesome town with and everyone else around me seemed to be with at least one other person. So after I ate a Wiggla or something like that (a sandwich with three mini sausages. Sooo good!!) I headed back to the subway to go back to the hotel room.
This is where it gets interesting. I decided I wanted to shower before I go to bed, and it's already like 9:30 or maybe even later. I am standing butt naked in front of the bathroom door when suddenly my hotel door opens! I think quick and get into the bathroom really fast and I hear a "god I've made so many mistakes today!!!! Where are you?!" I answered, "uhhh in the shower!" so I figured it was the maid. I start to get scared though, because I started thinking WHAT maid comes to a room this late? I obviously started thinking the worst possible scenarios, including one similar to when the daughter is kidnapped in the movie "Taken", and so I take the longest possible shower, just hoping whoever is out there is gone by the time I am about to die from being pruned. I finally finish my shower and slowly make my way to the main room of my hotel room and SOMEONE IS IN MY BED!!!!!! I didn't know what to do, I was so shocked I couldnt even scream! Only half of whoever this girl's face is showing. She pulls off the covers, and it's my friend Olivia! I immediately felt so retarded for thinking all the things I was. The reason why I didn't think it was her was because she was supposed to be in Frankfurt, not Nuremberg. Turns out when she received my email that I wasn't staying in Frankfurt, she decided to take a train here. Surprise surprise!!!!!!
After hanging out in the room for a while, we went to the bar downstairs. She had either three or four large sized German beers, and I had three cokes with lime, haha. We stayed for a while, and she ordered me my very first Jaigermeister shot. It was diiiiiiiisgusting. Wow. But I just chased it with my handy coca cola. I also smoked my first full cigarette, and i don't know if it was because I drank before, but the cigarette was just good. And this is coming from someone that gets a headache from any type of tobacco smoke.
So now back to now, I sit here alone in my hotel room. I don't think I'm actually going to be having a roommate, so I have this big room on the top floor to myself. I am kind of lonely though, and do wish there was at least someone to talk to. That's why I'm writing this long blog post, because I have nothing to do till about 5 tonight. I am also waiting for someone to get onto Skype.
I'll do an update soon!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Culture Shock!
So I just went to a different church's youth group.... it was - different. The band was better than most church bands. Now, I am not comparing it to a gospel church band because that simply is not in the same caliber as gospel haha. Well it was definitely different. It was almost like a bible study. I've never really done something like that. There's nothing wrong with it.. there has just always been too many things I question that I am frowned upon for so it is discouraging when nothing I ask is answered, or it's just shoved under the rug. I mean I was thinking, "That's obviously not true." (ahahah) But for the most part, it did what every religion for the most part tries to do: promote the good in everyone. It did. It inspired me to be better, and react better in situations. For instance, if I see someone I dislike, be nice for a change. Do the exact opposite of what I would probably normally do. It was an inspirational thing to hear, and I think I needed to hear it.
Can't wait for tomorrow for my friend to accompany me and get me ready for Germany.. Yikes. Time for like a 4 hour cram practice session...
Can't wait for tomorrow for my friend to accompany me and get me ready for Germany.. Yikes. Time for like a 4 hour cram practice session...
Monday, July 11, 2011
Your Reaction?
I have just recently added this option on my blog - reactions. It is located at the end of each blog post, and it's basically self explanatory. After you read that blog post, click which best fits the mood or what you got out of the blog post. I'm doing this off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure there are 4 different moods. You don't have to or anything; it'd just be cool for me at least to see what the readers reaction is when they read my blog posts!
xox Goodnight!
xox Goodnight!
Silly lil' Lady!
I have been extremely lazy today, and a little silly, too. I started to organize what I was going to bring to my trip to Germany next month, and I needed to bring some nice dresses. I started trying on some of my old gowns that I had, and then next thing I know, as always, I got distracted on my computer and then ended up wearing one of my dresses for over an hour! haha. It felt nice though. I felt.. Royal. It made my best friend Eydn laugh; good to know I can still make people laugh haha.
Well, that's my day. Boring, but at least I know I still fit in dresses from over a year ago!!!
xox
Well, that's my day. Boring, but at least I know I still fit in dresses from over a year ago!!!
xox
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Gettin' back into it
I haven't been involved in the classical music scene in my town for about a year (because of college), and today I got together with my old teacher George for a violin lesson! I was so excited. He really is my most favorite teacher I've ever had. He is extremely witty, and so smart. I am always learning something new! Like, I never knew Mendelssohn was like Mozart, in the way that they were both musical geniuses at very young ages. I also didn't know that Beethoven was like the "rebel" almost, never wearing a wig in the times where you should be wearing one... i.e, George Washington, Mozart. They wore wigs. But Beethoven didn't...because he didn't want to. What a badass. Beethoven also had this idea of how music should be replicating of somewhat an explosive nature, and it really is. I could go on and on using musical terms but this would be more boring of a blog than it normally is, so I won't.
He helped me with my music excerpts for next year's orchestra audition, and then I just got back tonight from a string quartet rehearsal at his house. It was pretty bad. I didn't realize how terrible I got at sightreading. George told me to play the first violin part on a piece, and I did HORRENDOUS!! I'm actually embarrassed how bad I did! He was trying to make me feel better about it, but I know I did so, so bad. You know when you feel absolutely prepared for something, but then once you get there one thing can throw you off and then you are in some weird limbo of confusion/anger? That's where I was during this Mendelssohn quartet. It was so difficult (rhythmically), and then had these jumps (referring to like a low c to a high F.). It was just too much for my small brain, hahaha. I felt bad, because we had to keep stopping. I mean, it wasn't always me but I probably caused someone else to get off. I didn't do very well, I'm kindof disappointed in myself. So I'm just going to practice that music like crazy till I'm solid & ready to go. I don't think we're playing it for anything, but hey. it's still fun. Just to get quartet experience. Since that's what I'm going to be doing in Germany for a little bit I'm sure.
The Dilemma brings up a thought in my head. Just recently, I know a family that the parents are going through the divorce. One of the kids doesn't even blame his dad for it (The dad cheated)... I don't care whatever the circumstances are... It's just an absolute no. Nothing excuses it. Well hey, I guess like father like son. Or even like mother, like daughter. I sure as heck see resemblances in my sister's and my mom's personalities! (They're not cheaters or anything. I'm just saying they have many similarities in personality). People that cheat on people make me sad. I know why they do it though. I tried to put myself in their situation, to completely understand why they would. All I could come up with is that they are missing something in their current relationship that they desperately feel need of. It's not that they don't like the person they're with anymore; maybe they like that feeling of security and permanentness with that person, but they just need something else at that moment. I don't know. I think though that if a person is in that situation, they are absolutely with the wrong person. If you're with the right person, you don't ever feel that way. You don't even feel the need to necessarily look at someone else, if it may be that extreme.
God, what a rant.
I asked my teacher if I should even bother applying for the ysa scholarship next year, and he said no. He was completely honest and that's what I love about George. he knows they are just going to pick the person that is without the most money, and it won't be me. I'm not rich or anything, obviously. But we're not poor. And that's what it takes now to get a scholarship... is to not have money. Not if you're talented, but if you're needing money. Good thing.
xox
He helped me with my music excerpts for next year's orchestra audition, and then I just got back tonight from a string quartet rehearsal at his house. It was pretty bad. I didn't realize how terrible I got at sightreading. George told me to play the first violin part on a piece, and I did HORRENDOUS!! I'm actually embarrassed how bad I did! He was trying to make me feel better about it, but I know I did so, so bad. You know when you feel absolutely prepared for something, but then once you get there one thing can throw you off and then you are in some weird limbo of confusion/anger? That's where I was during this Mendelssohn quartet. It was so difficult (rhythmically), and then had these jumps (referring to like a low c to a high F.). It was just too much for my small brain, hahaha. I felt bad, because we had to keep stopping. I mean, it wasn't always me but I probably caused someone else to get off. I didn't do very well, I'm kindof disappointed in myself. So I'm just going to practice that music like crazy till I'm solid & ready to go. I don't think we're playing it for anything, but hey. it's still fun. Just to get quartet experience. Since that's what I'm going to be doing in Germany for a little bit I'm sure.
The Dilemma brings up a thought in my head. Just recently, I know a family that the parents are going through the divorce. One of the kids doesn't even blame his dad for it (The dad cheated)... I don't care whatever the circumstances are... It's just an absolute no. Nothing excuses it. Well hey, I guess like father like son. Or even like mother, like daughter. I sure as heck see resemblances in my sister's and my mom's personalities! (They're not cheaters or anything. I'm just saying they have many similarities in personality). People that cheat on people make me sad. I know why they do it though. I tried to put myself in their situation, to completely understand why they would. All I could come up with is that they are missing something in their current relationship that they desperately feel need of. It's not that they don't like the person they're with anymore; maybe they like that feeling of security and permanentness with that person, but they just need something else at that moment. I don't know. I think though that if a person is in that situation, they are absolutely with the wrong person. If you're with the right person, you don't ever feel that way. You don't even feel the need to necessarily look at someone else, if it may be that extreme.
God, what a rant.
I asked my teacher if I should even bother applying for the ysa scholarship next year, and he said no. He was completely honest and that's what I love about George. he knows they are just going to pick the person that is without the most money, and it won't be me. I'm not rich or anything, obviously. But we're not poor. And that's what it takes now to get a scholarship... is to not have money. Not if you're talented, but if you're needing money. Good thing.
xox
Friday, July 1, 2011
Rootin tootin
The rodeo dance was last night, and this is an event in Prescott that I think has been going on for a while, but I only started going my Freshman year of high school. Last night's time was by far the most fun I've ever had at this event. Partially because I got a little intoxicated - but it definitely made it truly more fun. I hung out with some old friends, and I was so happy to reconnect with them. I also shared Tyler with some of my friends because I know what it was like to be at the rodeo dance without a date! So I told him to dance with some of my friends. He was hesitant at first, but come on it's not like they're getting married - just a dance! haha.
Today I think my family is finally going to sign the lease papers for my new apartment! :) I'm so excited to room with Courtney next year.
Well, not much has been happening in my life really. I have started practicing hard core though, like I should've been all summer. haha. Oops.
xox
Today I think my family is finally going to sign the lease papers for my new apartment! :) I'm so excited to room with Courtney next year.
Well, not much has been happening in my life really. I have started practicing hard core though, like I should've been all summer. haha. Oops.
xox
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Rest in Peace
Why is it always the nice people that die. Or bad things happen to. Why? I don't understand how some people continue to walk this earth, wreaking havoc; breaking hearts, killing, stealing, manipulating, lying. Just terrible things happening. And then some that do nothing; do nothing to deserve to die, do die. Why would God let bad things happen to people that don't deserve it.
I just don't understand. Is it bad that I have wished death upon someone before? I mean, I may not be so fixated on hating people so much anymore. But it doesn't mean I still don't wish those people a horrible life or an abundance of unhappiness. I know it's mean and I shouldn't, but it doesn't change that I still do. Call me a horrible person, whatever. But I just think the wrong things absolutely happen to the wrong people.
You might say, Well what deems you the person to say that they wrongfully died? OR that that person deserves pain?
I guess I can't say anything and only God can do something like that.
Death just confuses me sometimes, and leaves me wondering when my time will come. Even though I'm not afraid of it, just the randomness of it makes me wonder if I'll even live to see 35. I haven't done anything wrong or deserving of pain or unhappiness (not like I feel there are alot that actual do deserve it. I'm not THAT bad of a person).. It's just so random that it makes you wonder if you'll ever make it to when you want to.
Another death of someone I know/knew is a wake up call for me. I don't want to take anything for granted, or think "Eh, I'll talk to them in a couple days." or, "I'll catch up with them sometime soon." What the hell do you have to lose? What could be so important that you have to hold off? You don't know if that person going to be around. You just don't. So I think I'm going to really try hard to put myself in a different mind set especially when angry and think to myself, and even if it's depressing, "Don't take them for granted. Love while you still can. Talk to them without holding back, don't let grudges get in the way of action. Don't let what happened hold you back from what happens next." I just can't anymore. I can't keep taking so many things for granted. When people are suddenly dying out of nowhere, it gets you thinking. I never want to have a friend, or someone close die and all I can think of is, "I wish I could've.....". I never want to think that. I never want to wish I could say this, or could have done that. I don't want anyone else to do that to me either. I want to be able to say if someone passes that, I affected their life for the better. They're in a better place now. And that's it. I want others to feel the same way when I die. That's all I want to think. I don't want to think that there were so many things I didn't get to say, or do.
That can take a toll on someone, especially an obsessive, compulsive mind like mine. You couldn't imagine (or maybe you could) the kind of things I obsess about, and you wouldn't believe for how long. It eats my insides up. It tears my soul, to put it dramatically. It takes over my personality, and my life revolves around it. And something so unimportant as a stupid bitch gets into my head?! I cannot simply imagine what would happen if someone super close to me suddenly left. Just like Alec. I felt so bad that I couldn't have one last heart to heart before he died. Him and I were close the first couple years of high school, but by our Senior year, it was just passing by in the hallways saying hi. That's why I think if you know it's your time, it is your time. Maybe a couple days before he died, I saw him in the same place before third hour as I did every day, and that one particular day, he stopped me and instead of just saying hi, he gave me a big, bear Alec hug. He asked how I was, and that he missed seeing me every day for class. Maybe that's dumb to think he knew, but I'll never forget that. So maybe all I wish I could do is just say thank you. Thank you for noticing me, especially on the days that I felt invisible.
Don't let anything stop you from doing someone or seeing someone, because you never know when it could be your last talk with them. Or their last talk with you. To make this not so depressing.... I'm going to try not to let small things upset me.
Well, live your life. Live it the way you want, and hug people. Hug them. Just to do it. Get yourself out of bed and work out and take a run, eat healthier. Make yourself feel better about yourself. And to be honest, I really should be taking my own advice.
I think that's it. RIP Riley - for all those nonbelievers, he could be in a better place. Don't just think about him underground and staying there. He could be in a place called heaven.
I just don't understand. Is it bad that I have wished death upon someone before? I mean, I may not be so fixated on hating people so much anymore. But it doesn't mean I still don't wish those people a horrible life or an abundance of unhappiness. I know it's mean and I shouldn't, but it doesn't change that I still do. Call me a horrible person, whatever. But I just think the wrong things absolutely happen to the wrong people.
You might say, Well what deems you the person to say that they wrongfully died? OR that that person deserves pain?
I guess I can't say anything and only God can do something like that.
Death just confuses me sometimes, and leaves me wondering when my time will come. Even though I'm not afraid of it, just the randomness of it makes me wonder if I'll even live to see 35. I haven't done anything wrong or deserving of pain or unhappiness (not like I feel there are alot that actual do deserve it. I'm not THAT bad of a person).. It's just so random that it makes you wonder if you'll ever make it to when you want to.
Another death of someone I know/knew is a wake up call for me. I don't want to take anything for granted, or think "Eh, I'll talk to them in a couple days." or, "I'll catch up with them sometime soon." What the hell do you have to lose? What could be so important that you have to hold off? You don't know if that person going to be around. You just don't. So I think I'm going to really try hard to put myself in a different mind set especially when angry and think to myself, and even if it's depressing, "Don't take them for granted. Love while you still can. Talk to them without holding back, don't let grudges get in the way of action. Don't let what happened hold you back from what happens next." I just can't anymore. I can't keep taking so many things for granted. When people are suddenly dying out of nowhere, it gets you thinking. I never want to have a friend, or someone close die and all I can think of is, "I wish I could've.....". I never want to think that. I never want to wish I could say this, or could have done that. I don't want anyone else to do that to me either. I want to be able to say if someone passes that, I affected their life for the better. They're in a better place now. And that's it. I want others to feel the same way when I die. That's all I want to think. I don't want to think that there were so many things I didn't get to say, or do.
That can take a toll on someone, especially an obsessive, compulsive mind like mine. You couldn't imagine (or maybe you could) the kind of things I obsess about, and you wouldn't believe for how long. It eats my insides up. It tears my soul, to put it dramatically. It takes over my personality, and my life revolves around it. And something so unimportant as a stupid bitch gets into my head?! I cannot simply imagine what would happen if someone super close to me suddenly left. Just like Alec. I felt so bad that I couldn't have one last heart to heart before he died. Him and I were close the first couple years of high school, but by our Senior year, it was just passing by in the hallways saying hi. That's why I think if you know it's your time, it is your time. Maybe a couple days before he died, I saw him in the same place before third hour as I did every day, and that one particular day, he stopped me and instead of just saying hi, he gave me a big, bear Alec hug. He asked how I was, and that he missed seeing me every day for class. Maybe that's dumb to think he knew, but I'll never forget that. So maybe all I wish I could do is just say thank you. Thank you for noticing me, especially on the days that I felt invisible.
Don't let anything stop you from doing someone or seeing someone, because you never know when it could be your last talk with them. Or their last talk with you. To make this not so depressing.... I'm going to try not to let small things upset me.
Well, live your life. Live it the way you want, and hug people. Hug them. Just to do it. Get yourself out of bed and work out and take a run, eat healthier. Make yourself feel better about yourself. And to be honest, I really should be taking my own advice.
I think that's it. RIP Riley - for all those nonbelievers, he could be in a better place. Don't just think about him underground and staying there. He could be in a place called heaven.
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