30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 2

Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest




Ahh....Eydn.

Our story is kindof funny actually, since we're really the best of friends.
We met when I was 3 and she was 4 (she's almost exactly year older than me but not quite), and we didn't like each other at all!
We have gone to school together since Kindergarten, and knew each other even before that. All throughout elementary school and up through high school, we were and still are each other's best friend.

You know when you're best friends with someone..It's like even if you two haven't talked in days, when you get to converse again it's like there was no time in between. That's kindof how she and I are now since we live clear across the country from each other.

I can honestly say that, I am not sure if I would be here today if it weren't for her. I had some really, really hard times throughout my life and childhood so far, and she as been there every single time for me, to help me get through it all. I cannot express how thankful I am for this person to be in my life, and at that be such a huge part of my life.

Not only has she been there for the bad stuff, but we have shared SO many countless memories together, and experienced new things together. I think we were together for our first party, first real depression (for both of us), first heartbreaks. I remember the first person that I thought I was in loved with - one of my friends told me to get over him, and was really blunt (which it sounds bad, but I couldn't thank her more) and this friend opened up my eyes, because deep inside, all I was doing was trying to convince myself it was going my way. Anyway, when I realized that him and I were done, and I had finally come to that realization and didn't back down, I think I might've cried for almost the entire day. It may sound kindof dumb or like I'm trying make people feel sorry for myself, but really it took a huge toll on me. It was someone I basically wasted almost three years trying to make things work with, and was okay with being his 2nd choice. Am I the only one that's been through this? It was like, he only talked to me or anything when he wanted to. And at the time, or all throughout freshman-junior year, I was okay with that. I felt like, "any time is better than none at all." Wow, was I wrong.
Again back to the story and not going on a tangent again, all those hours I cried... Eydn came over. I think it was a Saturday, and she could've done anything in the world but come over to my house. It was 6 or 7 at night when she finally arrived, and we took a fleece blanket from my room and went out to my car. We put the top down, and played music in the car, looking up at the stars. It would've been totally romantic if it were with a sig. other, hahaha. Back to story... we just stayed out there for hours- probably until midnight. I was crying, basically detoxing, and she cried. Next thing we knew, we both woke up and it was almost midnight, and she had to get home.

That's always one of those memories I'll hold close in my heart because that was such a turning point in my life, and she was there to ...witness it, I guess.

So, I dedicated my photo challenge day 2 photo to my bestest friend, Eydn. The person who has seen me at my worst, best, been there for the worst and best.... my best friend. <3

30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 1

I contemplate doing things based on what other people will think alot which I guess you could say is a flaw. Maybe like, the "30 day photo challenge" that many of my friends have been participating on through facebook and through here. Usually, it's because I'm thinking, "I hope everyone doesn't think I'm just some copycat", or "I hope I'm not conforming to much to what's 'in' "... Just things like that. It's like I'm afraid to get caught up in the crowd...Is that a bad thing to admit?

With that set aside, I've been thinking for a couple weeks or so, whether or not to begin this photo challenge. For me, I had to debate this because of these alterior thoughts I had, thinking of if I want to be joining the bandwagon. I really think it's interesting, so I think once the 30 days is done, I'll just transfer every picture with the info. I think that will be less annoying to all my 964 friends on facebook to get a dumb notification on their news feed that "Tiffany has added 1 photo to her news feed" every single day for 30 days.

So, here is where I birth my 30 day photo challenge (hahah, birth.)...or where it commences!
(I also tried to pick one that seemed to have a different list than the common one that i've been seeing on facebook, but there are alot of similarities. Oh well- a list is a list!)



Day 1: A Picture of Yourself with 10 Facts


1. When I'm put on the spot, it's hard for me to defend myself most of the time because my mind goes blank, and I end up thinking of really good comebacks wayy after the fact (I'm guessing I'm not the only person that goes through this... I can't be!!)

2. I can keep a secret.
A lot of people probably wouldn't think this is an attribute I have because I'm pretty open with everyone. That's just one of the personaliy traits I guess you could call say that I pride myself in.

3. I'm easy to talk to.
I don't know why actually, but somehow I've had people I'm not that great of friends wth open up to me. Personally, I find it flattering that the person will be able to just.. open up to me, and tell me what their problems or sadness is coming from. I'm glad that I can be a person that someone can feel comfortable talking about things with.

4. I'm a hypocrite

5. I am quite the emotional person, which yeah that's not really a good thing either is it? haha. I easily cry in movies (even have during a few previews), I get scared easily during movies, I can be quick to anger.

6. I honestly think I might have paranoia.

7. I hold onto bad feelings, and I wish I could just let grudges go. As much as you can tell yourself, "there's no time in life for grudges, just move past it -move on." - yeah, I can't do that. With...certain things. It really all depends on the situation, I suppose. With some things, I'll forget about it and move on quicker than one should, but with other situations, I could waste my day thinking about it, tearing myself up. It's ridiculous.

8. I'm lovable. I love people, I love friends, I love family. I think it's rather easy for people to like me; I don't mean this in a conceited way - but I can't think of that many people that don't like me. I can think of... 2, haha.

9. I trust people easily and quickly. Actually, I think I trust people too easily. Maybe that's part of the reason why people can open up to me easily, because I tend to open myself up to them, too.

10. It's taken me awhile to think of a tenth fact about me, but I think I've found one. I'm kindof a perv. Maybe that is why the majority of my friends are boys; I'm not really sure, or maybe most of my friends are boys. Regardless, I'm a perv. I enjoy crude humor (it's my favorite, i.e. one of my favorite movies is "Anchorman"), and I make crude jokes. I'm crass, as my mom would say.


Well there is my ten facts about me. Did most of you know these about me? Or were there some where you thought, "oh that is cool/weird/sad I didn't know that..." ?

I forgot to put a picture up for 1st day of the challenge. oops




xox

Feeling Management

How is it possible, that a person can go from one happy feeling so quickly to the next?

How can I go from feeling like, "Hey- I actually look good today!" to,

"I feel like shit."

These days, I find my insecurities growing stronger as my confidence dwindles. I can't seem to hold onto my happiness, and it leaves me quickly. I find myself more often than it should be, staring at myself, pointing out all my insecurities and flaws, picking at everything I wish I could change about myself.

I used to be able to tell people there is something I like about me, but now I can't. I can't seem to muster anything.

Other than that, I struggle to find things about myself that I take pride in.  Why do I feel this way?

Am I depressed again? How does it revive itself after a few years, just out of nowhere? Why am I lacking confidence? There is something wrong with me.... I feel like anyone I come in contact with, I'm comparing them to me. Can't I just be happy with myself; can I just be content?

People are never content, and never settle. The world won't keep spinning if there isn't hope, or if there isn't some optimism or something to look forward to - something to aim for. People need goals, and I guess I have mine. Mine are just more of standards.

I'm actually done with my sad spell now I think, and I love being able to vent somewhere. I wish Eydn was here. She always knew just the right things to say to me at times like these, and wouldn't be lying asleep passed out next to me. I think I miss her more than she misses me. Afterall, I think I need her more than she needs me too as well haha. I think she understands me more than anyone, and more than anyone ever will.

I wish someone wasn't blinded by love to see what I'm really like. I'm not perfect, and I'm filled with flaws. I'm bitter, insecure, and I am not happy with myself right now, and really haven't been for a long time.

I want my insecurity to go away.

You're Dangerous...I'm Lovin' It..

Yael Naim did a cover of "Toxic" - a Britney Spears song. Personally, it's I think one of three songs I liked that Britney Spears has done.
I like Yael Naim's version better though... It's creepier!

Check it out:



Just thought I'd share a bit of creepy lovin'.
xox

Weird Weekend

My weekend went almost completely wrong!

My friends from Flagstaff were supposed to come up for the weekend (which they actually did), but we were planning on hanging out on different days, (which is my fault). I thought they'd be here on the actual Halloween, not the Saturday before Halloween. Now that I think about it, I feel dumb for thinking actual Halloween because that's a Sunday - NOT saturday!! So, that night I was supposed to go to one of Tyler's coworker's parties, but we actually ended up getting out of our costumes and strolling around Mill Ave.
Sunday, I went to Cardinals game with Tyler's family which had a bad encounter. I must've had my good shorts on, because I guess Big Bertha was causing a scene, and then Tyler called these 40-something year old men out on it. Then, his mom actually stepped in and it wasn't a scary situation anymore - it was just funny! Tyler's mom, there to save his ass! Haha! After the game anyway, we went to a Halloween party that included Trick or Treating and then "Zombieland" (surprisingly, not a bad movie!)

Haley & Jennie when you read this, SO sorry our plans didn't work out and I feel like a complete dummy, and I really wish we could have hung out because I know we would've had such a fun time. Anyway I hope plans worked out for you both down here, besides the whole thing with me hah.

So now, my dilemma has shifted over to my room: I can't find my digital camera ANYWHERE! Believe it or not, I spent about 30 minutes today looking for it, and right as I typed the first sentence of this paragraph out, I magically looked above my closet and there it was! Gosh, that was so weird. Well since I now have my camera, I can upload the pictures from Halloween.

Tyler and I did the show Dexter. He was Dexter, and I was one of his victims.
If any of you are unfamiliar with the show, he's a serial killer (but a very clean killer!) that wraps his victims in shrink wrap, cuts their right cheek for a blood sample, and then chops up their bodies! Haha, I know kindof gross - BUT it is a great show... I think everyone should watch it, but only if you're not sensitive to nudity and blood!

When my internet allows for it, I will upload pictures from Halloween (there's not many!)

I hope everyone had a great Halloween (especially Haley & Jennie xo)

And a Happy Birthday to my Dad, whose birthday was Halloween! I still feel bad I wasn't able to tag along to Tucson for his birthday.

The Happenings of Wednesday

This is what goes down in my dorm room on a Wednesday night.... My roommate is a photography major, and she had to do a 5 picture story. She decided that Meryl (girl in nightgown) should come out of the closet (meryl's a ghost, FYI), and kill Ankit, the student at the desk. I told her to turn the tables around though for a twist, and make him actually defend himself against her, so untypical of a horror movie! It was hilarious to watch, and I was quite a disruption to the 'shoot'. I originally took these to show Meryl I could be sneaky too (She's all about being sneaky and people not knowing her whereabouts) and she had no idea i was taking a video. So here's a video from tonight! Hopefully not completely stupid...

Well, it's almost the weekend, which means its THAT much closer to Halloween! I feel sad; typically, Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year other than Christmas. This year, I was so busy that Halloween just sort of snuck up on me Good news though: my creepiest, loveable friends in the world Haley & Jennie are coming here for Halloween! I will have to find something for all of us to do. Tyler and I are going to go as Dexter and one of the victims, but I am not sure if I want to walk around in shrink wrap all night, yeah? What is everyone being for Halloween? I'm curious! I also might need a "children friendly" costume as well for my volunteering at the Phoenix Symphony, so I would love any and all suggestions.

xox

The 19th Wife

So the MSN home page has these random slideshows about different topics, and I came across one about polygamy. It then lead me to read about Ann Eliza Young, the 19th wife of Brigham Young (the 2nd most famous Mormon leader, or something like that). She wrote a book which I think its like an exploitation of the late 1800's and what the Mormon women of her time were going through. I'm only a couple pages deep, but it's already intriguing. It's about 650 pages long online, so I always have the window open on my computer or in a link. If anyone wants to read it, here's the link

http://www.19thwife.com/pdfs/Wife_No_19_Ann_Eliza_Young.pdf

I'm excited to read this, and hopefully I'll be more educated on the subject of polygamy instead of false notions that I think I have, or who knows maybe they aren't false? Hm...

Anyway, I always love a good non-fiction intrigue.


xox




image by google

Tucson Weekend!

I can't BELIEVE my sister is now 21. It's surreal, actually. I mean, I remember when she turned 7 and we were in Disneyworld, and I was 4. I remember she and I were each other's portal to a complete different imaginative world. We played every game together around the house, and made a game out of just about everything. We would wake up what seemed like 5 in the morning, and go right to playing barbies or beanie babies. Those toys did everything with us at the time- When we were ready to eat breakfast, they were at the table with us, and we'd act like our toys were at a lunch date or something. When we watched t.v., it was like the toys were going to the movies together. I mean, eventually that stopped which made me sad (when she got older and became busier), so I just stopped playing with them, too. Who would I play with? Just alone?
Anyway, just a tangent on how this weird feeling that I'm dwelling on that I decided to share. Happy birthday to my 21 year old sister, Michelle. Wow.
I can't imagine how I'll feel when she turns 40- haha!





On a happier note, it was a fun celebration at Carraba's. Many girls from her sorority Tri Delta came, and it was funny to see how these sorority girls actually act. I know this is wrong of me and quite a generalization to say "these sorority girls", but hey. At least I realize what I'm doing. Anyway, they are all so bubbly. Loud, and yes, even the "Oh my god, I know" 's. It was fun though. It's weird.. Even though I am sortof poking fun at them right now, I could see myself being friends with those girls. Yeah, they're extremely girly and some are a bit air-heady, but they are very friendly, and sororities are meant to make lifelong friendships. I'm glad my sister joined one, considering her first year of college she didn't even stay in the dorms so she didn't get to socialize and acquire many friends. And wow of all the days... my sister is extremely sick on her 21st birthday. Of all 365 days out of the year, it has to be her most important birthday. She "stuck through" the dinner as long as she could, and decided to leave early with Shane. Poor thing.

That night, I got to hang out with my two friends from high school -Maddie and Elyse who I missed and haven't gotten to hang out with in a while. We went to a party, and I got to see someone I hadn't seen in probably 2 years who I went to school with, Sandy. It was so weird! He grew like a foot, and his voice was deeper, and, well that's really all I can say I guess haha. I love seeing old friends. When we came back to Elyse's dorm room at around 3, we decided to play "big booty" even though we were not in a serious state of mind hahah! Then we somehow began playing "truth or dare" which basically just evolved into just "truths". Purely sexual questions, haha.




the nightlife is so much better in Tempe, and has more of a city feel. the campus at ASU is just a lot nicer looking. It isn't deserted like the UofA campus was, and there are more people around. I'm not saying this in means of partying or anything; hey- UA is a bigger party school than ASU (which I also take pride in because I have noticed especially the arts people aren't like huge huge partiers.) but I'm just saying people "out & about" wise. I'm not saying I don't love UofA's campus because I think it's beautiful, especially the main strip of grass area.

My weekend was good, and I missed my family a lot, and being able to hang out with them all at the same time. I've been trying to watch what I eat a lot more lately, considering I'm already beginning to gain weight (all I do is stay in the dorms and study!), so I'm trying to eat healthier. I'm not going to go anorexic or anything, I just have to lose some junk in the trunk..the dips in my hips...

Well, I'm off to practice now

Xox

Terribly forgotten- KISS!

I never included pictures from the Kiss concert my dad took me to - How forgetful.
Here's a few of the fun concert - we sat 2nd row center!











xox

p.s: As you can tell, I'm doing a little more updating on my blog since I have the time...

Visitors of Friday

On friday, I got an absolutely lovely and fun-filled visit from my two good friends Haley and Jennie (who also blog and are followers of mine as well) - I missed them so much! I hope they visit more often, and I also hope sometime very soon in the future, that I can go visit them at NAU!
We met up on Mill Avenue at Urban (of course..) and then ate at Jimmy John's, a personal favorite of mine - I recommend everyone and ANYONE try it!!!
After eating, we went back to my dorm where we were just absolute sillies for an hour or so.
This is just some pictures from their visit here..





xox