Last few days

First off to preface this I would like to say my boyfriend took care of me all freakin week. It was the sweetest thing I think he has ever done. I almost couldn't believe it. Here we are, less than a week before he leaves. It flew by.

I feel like most of the time WAS me crying about him leaving, and I'm sad for that. Because I wonder if he is going to be leaving, exhausted from this relationship. The last month was not our best.

I woke up this morning feeling like we are broken up.  We aren't, although I think we almost did last night. We almost broke up. And now I'm scared that if we get into a fight when he's in Colorado, he will do just that.  He'll just forget how much he loves me because he's angry. Or wonder why he's even doing this.  He said that yesterday... when he's upset it's hard to tell if he's still with me because he loves me or if it's because he's just scared.  That really hurt to hear, because no matter how angry I am - even if we were to break up, I wouldn't think it's because of that. I know I love him. It almost feels like how we were back in June. And that scares me.

What can I do to salvage these last few days before he leaves, to show him that this is still something worth being in? I do feel like less of a person when he isn't here.  I feel like I miss him already.  I miss him so much. Why does it feel like a constant battle.  One bad fight, and I feel like I'm losing it all.  We've had an amazing last couple months here before he's left. It was the best part of our relationship.

I made him a scrapbook. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is wondering what to do with it? I put so much time. yikes and money... into it. It hurts to think that he may throw it away someday.  Or it might end up under his bed without a care.  Yeah that part stings.

I've seen what long distance can do to even the most beautiful couple. It can break them. I guess a lot of people get through it too, though.  I just have to stay positive.  I think that's why I've broken down so many times is because I've had a little bit of experience with long distance and it's failed both times.  So what's different with this time? I keep asking myself. And then I remember it's him. He's the difference. I really love him and if we both truly love each other, we will find a way.  I can't really describe how I love him, or why.  I read this article on one of those news websites about how there are like these 15 questions you should be able to answer about the person you love, I surprisingly knew a few. We've only been together a little over a year, but there was one asking if you knew why you loved the person you do. Well, here's why.

I love Gabi because most importantly, he is always challenging me. I like feeling like someone isn't agreeing with my opinion just because they like me.  He's shown me that's okay to do. I love him because of how he makes me feel.  I am not the prettiest girl (not ugly either). But sometimes when I am with him, he somehow makes me feel like I am prettier than any girl we walk by. He makes me feel so treasured. And I love him because of the little things we do for each other. How he knows exactly how to comfort me in any situation, and also exactly how to make me smile. He knows I like to be loved after I get upset, and I know he doesn't. We know each other and I like that.

It's these little things that I hope he remembers when I'm not around him all the time.