Almost Speechless

I will only know how I feel at this exact moment; almost midnight, just have left starbucks parking lot.

Seeing the movie American Reunion tonight- watching the characters reminisce on high school memories and old high school flames got me thinking... I am still on my "old" high school flame. I have a high school sweet heart. Just seeing that after almost 11 years these couples had seen each other again and those feelings started up again ... brought back my insecurities. Is that what I would have to hope doesn't happen to the person I care about if they were ever going to run into a first love? an old flame? of course it brought back my insecurities, and I am going to partially blame it on my anxiety medication because I have certainly not been taking it religiously.

Having a bad lesson always affects like your entire week.

These past couple weeks have been somewhat of a blur. I've been through a lot; actually I've just thought of a lot. I've done lots of reflecting... a lot of good thinking. Is this what I want? Where was it before?


I can only think to myself that the only logical thing to do at this point was to find our own separate identities again. Find what kindled that flame in the first place.


To mention what's been going on in my life, just hanging out with the same old friends, still in a little mental rut but I am hoping to overcome it once school is out.


I wish I had more to say.

Inside Out

Imagine you have had a best friend. You are a certain way with this person; sometimes when you're together it's as if you two are speaking a completely different language, because you understand each other both to the point where not many words are needed. What would you feel like if months later, somehow you met up with your best friend, and things were different. You could see from the ouside how you two used to be. That your best friend was that way now with someone else. You watched as they talked about how their lives are, how they go about days, cracking up about things that remind them of stuff they've done. You just sit there, almost dazed because you can't believe what you're seeing. You just stay quiet and watch, and just observe.

I guess people grow apart, but I never thought I would grow apart from her. Ever. I never thought one day I would be bugging her if she wants to live with me and be roommmates. Bugging. Nagging. She was always one of the few consistent things i had in my life up until about 3 or 4 months ago. It's never been the same, and I don't think it ever will be. I can try as hard as I possibly can to think it is, and act like it is, but it's not. You can't force something like that, and I guess it is one of those things where you just have to face it and know that people move on and people grow apart. I can move on, I can. I have a new circle of friends that are just ... hilarious. I love hanging out with them. But it doesn't mean that at some points you'll think, "wow, she'd get along perfectly with them." or, "she really needs to meet them." But what do you do when you feel weird even nagging to see if she can visit?

As I sit here in Hawaii, I thought to myself of all the friends I would love to bring here with me. How much fun we would all have. I would love to bring them here. but, what can you do. I am going to go on a walk now. Yep. Take some pictures of this beautiful big island and enjoy it as much as I can the rest of the week! After all, how often do you get to come to Hawaii? Me, not often.



xox

Week 1 at Starbucks

SO much has happened in one week I can't even cover it all I don't think! Overall, I am so glad to be working with the people that I do. You can tell all of them were hired for some reason. Can I just say that gays make your day better? Always? Of course, the two people I talk to really the most or I feel most comfortable around are leaving in a month. Sad!

So far I have learned the three basic drinks that all starbucks drinks are made of. All the drinks are made the same pretty much from those three drinks, just with different syrups it turns out. Lotsa sugar!!!

I got to do drive through today, so it got really, really crazy. A drink order got messed up (not sure whose fault it was, probably mine or someone else on register) but that held us back like 3 minutes in the drive through, and a customer actually started beeping their horn! It might've been two customers. I got scared, haha. It's just so stressful and there is so many things to remember. I feel slightly overwhelmed, however I am hoping it will become easier with time. I just don't know how much time I have to adjust... everyone is so knowledgeable and quick that I am having a hard time keeping up! haha. Oh well, ya live and you learn.

The hours have been kinda rough, I get up at 3:30. but hey I gotta do what I have to if I want to go to Italy this summer!

Anyway that's about it. I also make myself my own drinks at break, boy is that nice to customize it just the way I want!


xox