Intimidating

Today was my first studio meeting for violin (for Jiang's studio), and now I'm scared, and intimidated. Everyone there is better than me..and I know it should just be making me want to play harder and better, but to be honest - it's intimidating me and making me shy away. I mean, why bother playing? People that are my own age are much better than me. I am in this state of being both overwhelmed and intimidated at the same time. I wish I took violin more seriously these past couple years, maybe I'd be not so intimidated right now.
I practiced for almost 6 hours yesterday (not consecutively, 3 earlier in the day & almost 3 later that night), and my fingers were so, so sore after. I feel like if I wanted to be a music major, then I should be used to it. Of course now, I'm not a performance major, and before the studio meeting lesson I probably would've said, "yet" with that, but now I am just too scared. I feel way too far behind. I mean, yeah I can try as hard as I want, and I can practice for hours every day - but they and everyone else are always going to be steps ahead.
Maybe, I could look at the other side. Maybe I can think, "that just means you have to work double hard", and it's all about how much I want it, how much I want to get better. I do want to get better, and I want to be considered a good musician to these other classmates of mine. They haven't heard me play, but I am the only music ed major out of all of them, and you know they're all thinking "she's JUST music ed." Music ed majors are typically not good enough to be professional, haha. There's another side - my professor did want me in her studio even just every other week, which is awesome. So, perhaps I'll just have to work harder, and not let her down. All this lady can teach me is good higher knowledge, so I should be taking advantage of it, and "soaking it up like a sponge" as my previous violin teacher would say I do.
All I can do is practice, I guess. Just practice, practice, practice. I was hoping to double major in performance and ed, but ASU doesn't allow first years to do that. Apparently, you have to choose one or the other. That's such a hard decison: I defintely want an education degree under my belt, because I love teaching. However, I also want the technique of a performance major. I don't want to be the typical teacher that is just teaching because they teach better than they play, or weren't advanced enough. I want to be versatile; be able to say yes - I can teach, but I can also rip at the violin, haha.
I am so looking forward to this weekend - I need this break! Today I decided I am not practicing until I start AND finish the music history literature class paper that is due tomorrow. I have all weekend to practice...and do homework...
Anyway, that's about all for now - I better start working on this paper. Then practice ...no 6 hour session or anything though!

xox

just a little fun with my webcam a little while back - welcome night at ASU