Stress is Back!

You might all think, "Okay, she is just overreacting on her stress. She can't possibly be THAT stressed all the time."

So, I am including my schedule what I have to get done today. This isn't so you all feel bad for me or anything; I'm just simply doing it because I don't want you all to think I'm a whiny baby who complains about stress if it's nothing! and hey, maybe this isn't that stressful to some, and I will definitely APPLAUD whoever you are on that and I wish I was on top of things like you are ;)

I have to admit though; the reason why I will and am able to accomplish my many tasks throughout the week or whatever, is because I write EVERYTHING down in my planner, and I'm a freak about making lists. I make a list for whatever I do, whether it be for packing for the Philippines, coming home for the weekend, what I'll bring back from home back to the dorm, what I need for a violin lesson, for the week, for the day, you name it I have list for it! I have definitely become much more organized because of this.

Ever since I missed a performance my senior year (a very important one), I have never missed anything since. That was one of the most terrible feelings I've ever had; when I missed that performance. I was supposed to play in the lobby of the Yavapai College Concert Hall before the Phoenix Symphony concert, and I didn't show up. I felt so, so terrible and even worse: my violin teacher's wife is the one that asked me to do it, and she's the President of the Symphony Guild (which I regularly participated in). It was bad. terrible. I made a vow from that day that I was on top of my own stuff from then, and I wouldn't miss another thing again. I mean, I could blame my mom too since she usually knows when I have performances and stuff and she totally forgot too, but I really can't blame her, right? It's my thing. Haha.



So, here is my list that I wrote for today to have accomplished by tomorrow:

-withdraw $$$ for Jiang
-stop by studio for violin bow and DVD
-begin application for Germany festival
-Try and accomplish the Scholarship letter
-Saxophone reading and take notes, page 341-348
-Buy guitar books (2)
-Write and Print off Reflection for class 7:30 am Wednesday
-Theory HW, ex. 2-4
-if time: Buy a unlimited fitness card
-Practice
...Violin
- Barber Concerto : work out new fingerings and bowings, have ready by Thursday
- Scales : slowly, make sure every note 'rings'
... Piano
- Prelude : Memorize if possible, by Thursday
- Bb Major Scale, steady tempo
- A Minor, Nat.Minor, Harm. Minor 3 or 4 octaves, moderate steady
... Saxophone
- C Major Scale, 2 octaves
- A,Ab,A with mouthpiece IN TUNE!

-Write and turn in application for Piano Accompanist Pool




Today is a stress day, so thank goodness I got out early! Speaking of saxophone, gosh is it hard! I am so terrible at it.. but hey I am strictly a strings girl! Violin, cello, piano, bass, that's my thing - NOT things you use your lungs or diaphragm for, haha. I'm coping though, and it definitely is a challenge - and did I mention fun?!

Tomorrow I will probably just focus on my scholarship application and practicing. Man, I hope I get the scholarship. I think I've worked for it, at least.

Happy happy Tuesday to everyone! There is something about Tuesdays I like. Maybe it's because Glee is on Tuesdays? Who really knows.

To update on my last bland, angry post: I am not angry anymore, and I no longer feel the need to throw a pot at my boyfriend's head, haha.

xox

I'm still alive.

Man, it's been a while since I last blogged! I was just so time consumed with the Philippines trip, and then once I got back I had caught some bad bug from the Philippines. So I'm actually still recovering! I haven't been this sick for a long time I will say.
So much has happened, so I'm going to see where I can begin!

I did start school though on Tuesday, and my schedule has been... quite an adjustment from last semester! I have one class that is a 4 credit class that is completely online, and my english class is 1/2 online which I absolutely love. I'm not really in a good mood right now, so I'm not sure how my mood shows in my writing currently - I'm guessing bland, huh.

God, boyfriends. Can't live with them, and literally cannot live without them. Sometimes I wish mine was in distance so i could throw a pot at him. Is that bad? I can't be the only girl that's ever wished that. But I have every right to; considering he flirts with a girl on my floor everytime he visits, right in front of me, and would rather talk to her. Seriously, it's really obvious. But what can ya do? Nothing.

On an even more dissapointing note even more than my disappointment boyfriend, my mom FINALLY confronted me about me doin the dirty! I know, what a RELIEF. I don't have to lie anymore! Yeah, I say it's a relief, but it's also sad.
It's sad because my mom doesn't look at me the same anymore. Not like my parents and I were ever close, but they barely talk to me now, and my dad also seems as if he can barely look at me. It's kindof a downer, and makes me feel like I should just leave the house or something - but hey, I'm coping.

I'm back in school, I have new classes, and it's a lot less stressful - I think. This semester I'm actually going to try working out more, and going to more fitness classes to stay healthy! More updates when I have more time...

xox

Update on Manila #2 (part 2)

Now, for the rest of the trip. I’m trying to think back to what we have done so far; a lot has been hanging with my family, or shopping. My sister is still being pretty bratty; for instance, yesterday on the way to seeing Tron in Imax, I sat on the right side in the back. She opens the door and goes, “Why are you changing the routine now? Are you not switching? Go to the other side – this isn’t your side.” Yes, I am not lying nor exaggerating, it was like we were 7 again. She was actually getting mad about what side to sit on. Really? I thought we grew out of that years ago. She couldn’t throw her normal fit, which if this were with my parents, she would have and they would have also made me move ha. Since we were with my mom’s best friend’s daughter and nephew though, she kept her cool and got her point across that she was deeply offended that I sat on the right side of the car. I really should’ve recorded these conversations, but I wouldn’t want to embarrass her any more than I probably am right now. Oops.

By the way, Tron was absolutely, I don’t even know. One of my facebook friends described Tron as a “graphics orgasm explosion” with great music also done by Daft Punk, and it totally was. Holy mother of Jerusalem. Loved it. At first, the guy was not that good looking to me. My sister was even like, “OOH He is CUTE!” when they showed him the very first time, and I was not impressed. “My boyfriend’s cuter,” was my response. Throughout the movie, his face started to grow on me, and I found him cuter by the end. Not like that was an important detail or opinion. And I still think my boyfriend is cuter haha.

Why did I go into detail about Tron? This is my PHILIPPINES UPDATE!!!!
To continue with my update, I feel like such a spectacle here in the Philippines. They don’t really see many Americans around here too often I don’t think; so when they see me, they are just staring. It’s not like a creepy eye rape stare or anything; it’s more like a stare of admiration. Even on New Year’s Eve, some of the guys took pictures of me! I don’t think they knew I saw, but yeah it’s kinda hard to not see a huge flash in your direction at nighttime. When we go to the malls, usually I can pick my nose, itch an itch in a place one would normally not itch, at any time with no worry. When I am here, eyes are always watching me, looking at me, so I literally can’t pick my nose or do any of those other “unladylike” things here, haha. It’s weird, I think Asians like me better, and in Italy, they like my sister better. I remember when we went to Italy, she made like every guy’s head turn. But then in the Philippines, that’s me. And it’s weird. I usually don’t really get that kind of reaction, and I’m still not used to it. I honestly didn’t want to turn this into a brag-fest either, so I’ll stop. That’s definitely not the point I wanted to make here, ha!

Today we are going to Tagaytay with my Tita Nini, and I am HOPING we are doing some spa-like things. Tagaytay (pronounced tah-gai-tai) is cooler in climate, and has no wireless service at the house we are staying at (my Tita Nini’s house), so I’ve actually been writing these last 2 posts on word and copy pasting to blogger. Smart, I know. Anyway, Tagaytay is beautiful. My parents were looking into buying a lot here to build a nice home, but the people wanted way to much so they decided not to. It was like the same price as if they were to buy a huge lot and an already built house. A little ridiculous. My parents plan to retire here, and my dad is already looking into moving here a couple months at a time, coming back every couple months to the states. I’m really hoping that my dad will buy me another ticket for here in June, because my cousin is getting married and she wants me and my sister to be a part of it. It’s kindof expensive though. That’s why Armie (my cousin getting married), Grace (my cousin I’m closest to), and me are going to triple-team my dad and beg!

Aside from shopping and Tagaytay, we haven’t seen my family since Sunday and I miss them! I like being here, because here I have family. When I’m in the states, I don’t have family besides my direct family. I don’t have cousins to visit, grandparents whatsoever (really, I have no grandparents- they’re all dead.. it’s not like I don’t want to see them.), or aunts or uncles. Nothing. I wish I could live here longer, or just bring all my family from the Philippines to the US, so I can feel like I have family, and I could just visit them and be around a bunch of family. I don’t have that feeling often, and I think that’s why I don’t like being around other people’s families, because I usually feel inferior, and don’t want to be around other big, huge, close happy families. Because I guess mine is sort of cracked. There is definitely cracks in both sides of the family that need to be mended, however I’m not sure they ever will be. I think I’m going to make myself a promise now that when I’m on my own when I am older, I’m going to try and visit my family in the Philippines at least once every year. I am not waiting 8 years again to see all my family. Not ever again.

On a happier note, I made myself a New Year’s Resolution that I plan on keeping. Now more than ever, seeing meat in stores and eating places makes me so sad. I actually almost get a nauseating feeling whenever I see meat, and then think about the poor animal and what it was going through before being slaughtered. SO, if it wasn’t already obvious from the previous statement, my New Year’s Resolution is to become Vegetarian! I’m extremely excited about it actually, and I feel like I will definitely be, and feel more healthy without clogging my body up with unwanted hormones, pesticides, and whatever else the nasty meat in the US has now. Everyone should watch the documentaries “Food Inc” and “The Cove”, as well as read up on Foie Gras and Veal steak. I think you might think twice about what you eat after these. The Cove is actually my favorite documentary. When I went to the Oceanarium Park here with my little cousin MJ and my family, I found out we were seeing a sea lion show while at the park, and I already wasn’t excited anymore. The whole time throughout the show, the audience loves it. I mean, I used to, too. Everyone’s smiling, clapping, in awe. This time though, I didn’t clap. I wasn’t amused by anything, because I knew the sea lions were acting that way because they were being starved.

Like all these tangents I go off on? I’ll stop.

Today is my cousin Grace’s birthday, and we will be at her place tonight to celebrate with dinner. Then, tomorrow night, we are going clubbing! I’m really excited, because I’ve never been clubbing before – I’m not old enough! So it’ll be fun to go out with all my cousins and her friends, and just have a good time together. As far as home, I miss it a lot, and I miss all my friends, and my Tyler. I have a week left though, so I’m going to make this as absolutely best as I can!

Xox to all, and another update will be coming eventually ;)

Update on Manila #2 (part 1 - New Year's)

What a trip it has been so far, and I can’t believe it’s actually almost over in one week. I feel as if I could do a separate post on just New Year’s Eve/New Year’s since it was so unlike anything I had ever seen. So, maybe I will do just that, actually..

My family’s New Year’s Eve was spent in San Juan, which is where my mom grew up (in Manila – the capitol of the Philippines). We were with all my family, which I didn’t know I had so much family! Pretty much the whole alley/street that my mom grew up on is surrounded by family members, some I had never even met before. For dinner, we had lumpia (one of my absolute favorite Filipino foods!), pansit, pork, macaroni soup, which I think was all made by my aunt. It’s so funny being around her, because she reminds me so much of my mom. They make the same facial expressions and everything.
So to continue, after eating dinner, my uncle (we call him Tito) Boyet kept disappearing, and same with my cousin Jimmy. I found out they were going into the street, drinking and just hanging out. My dad wanted to go, and my mom wouldn’t let me because she didn’t want me around a bunch of drunken guys (for obvious reasons…). My dad decided he was going to take me anyway, along with Jimmy and my other cousin Dexter, and they’d keep a good eye on me. I didn’t drink or anything; even if it is legal here. Technically, the legal drinking age is 18, but no one ever follows it apparently – not even the law haha.
When we finally got to the area where my uncle was, it honestly was nothing bad at all. My mom is just paranoid when it comes to me, and doesn’t think I can take care of myself. Everyone there was very nice to me; yes I was the only girl around, and 1 gay guy who I guess you could consider another girl – but everyone was super nice, and was even getting me chairs and stuff. When it came to the explosives, everyone especially my Tito Boyet was covering me. Before we went out though, I hung out with my 2 cute little cousins along with my 26 (soon to be 27) cousin Grace. One of my young cousins is 6, MJ; and the other is I think 2, Jiana. I started to teach little Jiana some manners, because she doesn’t know many of those… haha – Like “Excuse me!” She is the cutest thing ever; I might include a picture of both my adorable cousins. Because yes, they are seriously cuter than your cousins I guarantee it!!!

Now to the explosions!

Ahhh.. probably my favorite part of the whole evening. The firecrackers were absolutely amazingly LOUD! In the US, it is illegal to obtain firecrackers, if I remember – but here, it is completely legal, and everyone has them. Here in Manila, you can’t have a New Year’s without tons of firecracker explosions! I have never heard something so loud in my life. With some, they are little firecrackers that you light with a match, and you wait about 5 seconds and it explodes and makes a loud noise. Those at first were scaring me, until I went to the area where my cousins and uncle were at. WOW!!! With the much larger ones that were being set off in the street where we were, were so explosive. Unlike anything I had seen or heard. With the larger ones, you hear a whistle, the kind that was in the ACME cartoons, then silence. You couldn’t really time when it would go off, because it seemed to be different with each explosion. Like the smaller firecrackers there was explosion, but this was much, much more powerful and you could actually feel it! It was so funny; when people would hear the whistle, they all new to turn around, and/or cover their ears (which I did). I also think it was a funny thing to say that I felt like a third world country being blown up, trying to explain what it felt like. But I was in a third world country, however watching an explosion – not actually being blown up. It was like the World War II movies, except no one gets blown up. They do it for fun here, and everyone is doing it!

For the rest of the night, we watched explosions, and the biggest, or I guess longest lasting one was the “Anaconda”. That firecracker was so long that I’m pretty sure it was almost the length of a football field. It went all the way down into my mom’s street, allllll the way into the actual street. It was colossal! It was like tiny firecrackers, bunched together into a huge line to make one extreme one. It went off one after the other, not all at once. For the Anaconda, I had to cover my ears. I didn’t have to close my eyes so much; it was the sound and brightness of it that got to me however I prevailed and was able to videotape it! As the Anaconda was exploding, people started to follow it, cheering and yelling. When it came to actual fireworks, it was also unlike I anything I had ever seen or experienced. Typically in the US, fireworks are seen from a great distance. The closest I had been was at Pioneer Parkway where they set them off, even though they still set them off from a distance you can’t even see, for obvious safety reasons I’m sure. HERE, when they set off fireworks, it was if not 30/40 feet from where I was standing, and it was almost like the fireworks were falling down on top of everyone and me! I had to completely crane my neck to look directly above me, because that’s what it was like. I wasn’t looking out into the distance or cocking my head just a little upward – ohhh no no no. I had my neck completely turned upward, and I don’t remember now if I felt the firework flame things actually coming back touching me – but I was definitely close enough if it did. The fireworks were so beautiful, and so big. It was spectacular.

While we were outside with the fireworks and other explosives, my dad happened to be turned around during one (he wasn’t aware it was about to go off), and we all got little particles on us. That actually happened with a lot of the explosives, and we all had little nicks on our legs from the tiny particles that hit us. My cousin actually has a huge bruise on her thigh from one! Anyway, from that extremely powerful explosive that went off, my dad was turned around and he actually got a piece in his eye. He started to move around and was kindof in shock I guess you could say, and we were trying to hold him steady to see what happened. It turned out that yes, there was a particle in his right eye, and it actually started to bleed. Sad, and ick. We brought him back to the house and washed his eye out, and the next morning it was gone and he didn’t feel a thing.

Another thing that might be interesting was, money throwing. Apparently about 20 years ago when my dad and mom came here last time, my dad started to throw money at the children, and he enjoyed watching them dive for it and everything, so he just kept throwing more and more money (US money) at them. That night, my dad and mom saw it happening again, but this time the parents from the 2nd story of the neighbor’s house were throwing down coins. My parents laughed, because they apparently started that on the street. I know there is some money giving tradition that my aunt argued was what they were doing, but I guess it never happened until my dad started throwing money that one year, and they kept doing that ever year after that.
New Year’s was so fun, and such an amazing experience. I’m glad I took videos, so you can all see, but honestly it just won’t feel the same. I wish you could all see what I sounded like the first time I heard what was then one of the small firecrackers (I basically screamed bloody murder haha!), and what everyone in the street was like. What the explosives all felt like, how it could almost push you backward. It was one of the best moments I have experienced in my life; definitely in the top 5. Or top 2 even.

Update on Manila - #1

Hello Everyone!!

Or, maybe I should say Mabutay (Tagalog)...

Right now it is about 5:30 am in Manila, Philippines, and I am still not completely adjusted to the time zone haha. Everyone else in our apartment thing is sleeping except me, so I found this the perfect time to update since noone is on skype!

Our flight from Hawaii to Manila was about 10 and a half hours, and it was so, so long. Usually I'm pretty lucky, too with the movies that play in the airplane, because I never go to the movie theaters like ever. So I usually have never seen any of the movies they decide to play. This time, I saw 2 out of the 3 movies they decided to play, and then on the second connecting flight they replayed one of those movies! So I had like nothing to do for quite awhile, because it's so uncomfortable to sleep on the airplanes, always. No matter HOW comfy the seats are!

We finally landed in Manila, and I swear it has been nonstop bickering for my sister and I. I'm just so happy to be here, and she is seriously picking at absolutely everything, so we're fighting just like we're ten again. The first "huge" fight believe it or not started from our beds. We all have our own rooms which is cool since we got one the apartment suites at the hotel here. but anyway. My dad and my sister like completely deserted my mom, aunt, and I in the lobby so we had no idea where to go to the room (my dad claims he was calling 5 times, but I guess for once in about her entire life my sister was the only one paying any attention, haha. After all she got the most sleep out of all of us on the flights ha.). They were at the room long before us, so finally we had to find our own way. I make this sound confusing because; this was one of those hotels where it really depends on the elevator you take and which area the elevator's in to be in the right area. It's broken into different wings and stuff. My dad says it's just like the Ritz-Carlton in Chicago, which I have not stayed out but he has. It's basically like you take one elevator from the lobby to go somewhere, and once you get off that elevator you have to go to a different one on a different part of that new floor to get to your room.

So enough of the elevator talk. Once we got to the room, I was like "Oh okay this is nice!" and stuff, I'm excited. Then I'm trying to find everyone, and my sister is laying, completely sprawled out on her bed like a star face up. I didn't think anything of it since we were all pretty tired; so when I look to find the only room available, of course she picked one of the largest rooms, leaving me with the smallest room with a twin sized bed. Hers was a big bed. I know I shouldnt' complain since, hey; this is an apartment suite and we all have our own rooms. But it's just kindof annoying I guess, because I know that if I were to have claimed that room first, she would have thrown a fit to my dad saying she was older and he would have given her the room. And everywhere we go, I always get the pull out couch bed if our room isn't big enough, and she gets the extra bed. I just wish sometime I could be favored once in a while and get the nicer thing. I even said which was true, "I have been sleeping on a twin size bed since August (which she hasn't because she's at a house in Tucson with a REGULAR sized bed) and you still couldn't let me sleep on this bed for even a couple weeks?" But of course to ALL of our complete surprise, she didnt' care at all, only about her and what she wants. I sometimes don't understand how her boyfriend is still with her, ha.
My mom actually later on when we were talking about beds and stuff again, said "Michelle you probably should've let Tiffany get the bigger bed because she has been sleeping on a tiny bed, and then she has to again here." Want to know what my sister did? Nothing. It was almost like she scoffed. Didn't care at all. I bet that if one of her friends who doesn't treat her nearly as nice as I do wanted the big bed, she'd give it up in a second. But if it comes to anything about me, I'd be the last person on earth to be fed or given anything.

Then, that same night, I used the other side of a huge body towel to dry my face that she has used, and she threw a fit! Somehow, like always, she is able to make my parents believe it is me in the wrong, but honestly I don't know how she did it this time. She even kicked me out of the bathroom, and still my dad was getting mad at me. Maybe it's because they think she's some perfect virgin who doesn't party (Which she doesn't party or anythign like that ever) but man I wish they knew haha. I don't know how she does it.
Really through any argument we have had, my dad doesn't even have to know what she's complaining about and he's already on her side. It annoys me so much, and it's so obvious how much he favors her.

Well, enough about her. I could start a whole new blog on all the complaints i have of my sister, but I simply will not waste my time to talk about her further.

So it's my third day. I have to think back to the first day here... It was all travel, but we did go out to eat at the hotel restaurant which was good. All I have been drinking here since I got here is Calamansi juice, which is a fruit here kindof like a lime but SO much better!

Yesterday was our first full day, so we got up at around 6:45 (willingly, it was actually pretty easy to) and ate breakfast and walked to SM, which is an 8 story mall that is also extremely large on each floor. Basically, biggest mall I've ever been to. Apparently, today we are going to the biggest mall in Asia which happens to be in the Philippines. Yes, anyone who is reading out there that is shocked that Philippines is in Asia. It actually annoys me when people claim and argue with me that it is not in Asia at all. They actually try and argue with someone that is half Asian, with a mom that's full. Then, when I've finally convinced the person that it indeed is in Asia or that it is an Asian country, they go, "Oh- well it's not REALLY completely Asian then."

WHAT?! is that a joke? How does one classify how ASIAN one part of Asia is to the other? As far as I knew, it's as Asian as you can get. I mean, it's sort of like Hawaii, where different parts of of places were 'invaded' by different cultures, or even in a bigger picture, it's sort of like the US in that same way. But that doesn't make it not American because we are all from different cultures. It's not as broad of a mix of cultures like America is, it's like; going back to the history I think Spanish, Chinese, etc. But hey they still have all the slit eye babies which I am absolutely in LOVE with!!! I met my two younger cousins yesterday which one is the sweetest little girl I have ever met in my life, and the other, Jianna, is a BRAT! She is "si arte", which means girly, prim, acts into herself, sortof thing. Just conceited. Want to know how old Jianna is? 2. She is TWO, and already being like that. One of those little girl who uses crying to get what she wants, and gets jealous super, super easy. She has the cutest face ever, pouty all the time; but god is she a brat haha. MJ, the older one who is 6 now, is adorable, and absolutely perfect. And she can shake her little booty, too! I was surprised, haha.

I still haven't had my long wanted pan de sal yet, which is their type of bread roll here. Yes, it is definitely better than French bread, baguettes, anything. It is soft, warm, and has the right amount of everything that bread should have. I love it, although I'll have to try not to eat it too excessively haha! Bread is definitely my weakness.

Well, I think that's about it. Today I know we're going to that big mall, and some place on the beach or something where the fish clean your feet. It sounds absolutely disgusting, especially to me; someone who is as foot phobe as you can get. I guess it's a fun thing to do here that tourists and others do. I guess it feels cool or something (Which i'm sure it does).

I am done for now, but I will try and be back to update again tomorrow or sometime.

I already miss home, but I love it here. I hope everyone is enjoying themselves, and all that have time off are using it well! <3

XOX

Nutso Christmas Preparation

I went NUTS today Christmas shopping today with my mom! I think we hit up every single store in Prescott! (God what am I, ghetto now? "HIT UP!")
She actually dropped me off to shop so we could go to Costco, which worked in my convenience because I could shop for her!
It was funny because when it was time to check out, she was with me, and I made her give me her credit card because she was actually paying for her gift at that moment - I just hid it haha.
My mom tried to act annoyed and say things like, "Why can't I look I AM paying for it!" , but I know she was happy and excited on the inside to know she was getting Christmas presents. :)

Time just FLEW by once I got home; We got back by probably 9:20, and I didn't stop wrapping presents till a little after midnight! I still have to wrap for three more people....

I think I'm finally off to bed though, now.

I can't believe I went so long during December without the Christmas spirit & fever.. It's all around me now! I also listen to my Glee Holiday cd every time I'm in the car, too haha.

Speaking of great holiday songs, I highly, highly recommend "Straight No Chaser" - an Indiana University A Capella group. They do both amazing harmonies and hilarious holiday arrangements that I don't think anyone can't enjoy listening to. So go check them out!

Here's a start to our holiday Christmas presents, and a video of a favorite Straight No Chaser of mine :)


Happy Holidays!!! <3

xox

Oh, what a night. Story tangents trailing...

This morning at around almost 2 am, my brother began texting and calling me, asking "Hey if you come pick me up at the bars right now I'll buy you breakfast - I'm hungry!" etc etc, so that was enough for me. Not like I need food to bribe me to go pick him up; I do anyway! I'd rather I drive him than him getting a ride from a cab.
Anyway, I didn't realize how popular Denny's was for bar-goers at 2 am. My brother then added that every older person you see coming in was from the bars on Whiskey Row. Whiskey Row by the way is this part in downtown Prescott that is just bar after bar. So my brother pointed out for me all the cougars, ho-fa-shos, d-bags, and other categories which actually turned out to be fun, because I started to guess what people were haha. I even pointed out some people that could be on the next season of Jersey Shore - gross. I really enjoyed myself, even if at first I was half awake. My brother and I talked about alot, lots of gossip which was actually a different kind of gossip that I usually partake in, considering it was with a guy. I also shared some problems of mine with my brother, including my ridiculous curfew at age 18 - Yes, everyone I do have a curfew - it JUST got bumped to midnight when I turned 18 haha. before that it was 10/10:30. Kindof sad, and my brother actually said he was probably going to have a talk with them because of the restrictions they still have on me, at my age.

You'd think that I'm some like horrible slut child who screws everything that walks; they're trying to somehow preserve me or something. My parents have already told me they think I'm some "wild child", which in all reality, that means I'm normal and that I can strike up conversation with people. Something my parents weren't used to seeing my brother or sister doing. I guess my personality is very similar to my dad's; he is a very affable person, and can literally become friends with anyone. He has become friends with just about every waiter we have at restaurants, Costco staff (since our parents shop there probably just about every day), the list goes on. I feel like I should take pride in the fact that since about my Junior year, I've been able to be like that; talk to anyone, and not feel scared shitless. They make me feel like that's bad, like it's not good to be talking to anyone. I remember times during early high school when I'd come home, and the first thing my sister would say to me was, "So who was that guy that hugged you in the hall today?" or, "Who was that different guy you were talking to?", or the infamous, "Who was the guys I saw you flirting with today?" It was seriously almost like she was destined to make me a caged rabbit for my high school social life. That only fueled my parents to make further restrictions; up until my Junior year I was home by 9 pm, and I wasn't allowed to hang out on weekends. And all that did was just make me act up, and be a nuisance. I literally would do exactly the opposite of what my parents would tell me to do in any situation, and that obviously didn't help my case.

The things I went through in high school with my parents - I don't know how I coped with it. Actually I do. I wrote a TON. I almost finished 2 diaries, and then that was even invaded I remember - all my thoughts, secrets, crushes, just complete privacy was taken away, invaded, and stomped all over. Next thing I knew, my mom was asking me, "Who's sam? Is that the guy that you danced with at homecoming?" (thinking it was this guy, when really it was another sam, a sam whose mom she had been friends with since him and I were about 4 haha.) "Who's Jesse? Do you two text alot? Do you send pictures to eachother? Are you dating?" And everything started adding up. Various journal entries were resurfacing, things I definitely was not okay with them knowing - after all, that's what a diary is meant for... privacy. I remember as soon as I realized they read my diary, I had this burning feeling. I was seething; just livid. It felt like my body was honestly the color scarlet red, that's how hot I felt. At the same time though, I felt embarrassment. It was like that heated embarrassment feeling in your face that you get if say, you rip your pants in front of the whole school during your first dance at a pep assembly with the dance team in high school - OH WAIT I've done that!!!
I didn't know if I should let them know, or keep it to myself. I did for awhile, and like every normal American teenager, I raged at one point and let it all unleash, like some bear haha. It destroyed my relationship with my parents, and I never trusted them again after that.

It all didn't turn around until I started to date Tyler, because I realized I couldn't have a relationship with someone else without having a relationship with my parents first. Maybe I'll do a "first date post" of mine and tyler's first date, because that's a long enough story I deem worthy of having it's own post.

Anyway, my parents and I get along fine now, but they still don't really trust me. I'm coping, I think. :)

On to worse points of my evening, I don't think I could say I've ever really yelled at Tyler until yesterday night. I must've yelled so loudly (and for so long, God.) because my head is still throbbing right now, and it is 11:28 am. God damn, must be the asian background in me. I actually do think most Asian parents scream alot, because my good friend in college who's Asian had literally the same growing up experiences (like IDENTICAL!) like I did. Unfortunately. And both of us have 100% asian parent/s. SOOO, on a more unfortunate note I did unleash my little angry Asian woman in me last night, screaming,crying, whatever little crazy Asian ladies do. Now just to note this, I feel I can make fun of Asian ladies because I am Asian myself. So if I catch any of you saying anything bad about Asians, I'll kick your ass. Haha.
Hopefully Tyler's okay? Our argument did continue to this morning (not through all night or anything).

I feel as though I probably shouldn't end such a lengthy, juicy post, or really any of my negative feeling posts .. negatively. Like I actually have in the past. So maybe I should end this on a good note. I think Tyler's coming over, and hopefully we'll watch a movie and be happy again. Because I miss him dearly, even if he's the #1 thing that pisses me off the most in this world. Afterall, he's also the #1 thing that makes me the happiest, too.

Strange.


xox

End of Semester is Finally Here...

So I haven't written in a while.
I've just been completely preoccupied with school - I had a final EVERY day during finals week, and even had 2 finals before finals week started so I was a busy girl!!
I have just finished packing up my room and am leaving for good! Well, until January.
I have so much planned for the break still.. I can't wait to catch up with all my friends mostly, go christmas shopping, and the Philippines! Ah, it's going to be great. I'm also planning on working out a ton, because I really let myself go during this first semester of college, haha. In retrospect, I did pretty well with keeping myself together than most did.. I got almost straight A's and my social life plunged, but I did remain eating healthy. Even if I still gained the weight of a newborn baby, haha.

I sometimes find myself wondering what would've happened if I didn't stay in state; where I would've gone. I think I would have either tried for Redlands in California, or somewhere in the East because that's where all the happenings are.

I reflected back on what I accomplished this semester, and I couldn't muster up like a huge lengthy list as I would've hoped... no. Well, I accomplished not failing any classes, for one (well i didn't fail at all, or close haha.).. I managed to somehow deplete my social skills into some area that I will probably reacquire once I've figured out the hang of things in college...

I have also been thinking, "is it bad that I am going to college just to GET a degree?"
I don't know how to describe it. I don't know where I'm going to end up in life, if I'll even be teaching. After being around so many good musicians, I realized how much more one can do with their musical talent. I just don't think I have that much motivation to be practicing as much as they do. I dont think it means I don't want it as bad, who knows - I just feel like I dont have that motivation to practice all day, in a sense of just wasting my life away practicing. What will that do for you? Yeah, it'll just make you a better musician. But what about all the other things one could do with all that time they practiced? I think that's great that people can dedicate themselves like that, but I don't think I could. I feel like my purpose in life isn't to just practice all day, in a selfish notion to make myself better, for myself. Who else will that benefit? I want to help people, do good. Not just perform for me, get better so I can say "Ahhh performance degree this and that, I'm good enough to just perform."
Ever since I've been here at ASU though, I really miss dance, and I really miss acting. Violin has always been rewarding, but I'm not sure if it's always been quite as fun as acting and dancing was for me. The fun I get out of violin is when I win competitions. That's like my golden happiness, of pure fu*king joy. Is that really it? That's what my life is about, winning from playing an instrument?

I think that's why I've decided to get an education degree, because I think I know now that I don't have to keep winning competitions to know that I've accomplished myself with violin. At the same time though, I don't think I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life, either. Where does all those years of dancing and theatre come in? I think those two would be so fun and .... exhilarating. A de-stresser. Violin is usually a stress inducer, especially around lesson time or juries this semester - I broke out so much ( thats like the key indication of any type of stress for me. And the fact that when I eat something [which i overeat when stressed] goes straight to my ass). Not that I don't love violin, but I feel like I should be getting more out of it .. more SATISFACTION. Maybe I'm just not working hard enough.

On that note, my time at home so far has been extremely relaxing and full of family time. I have missed being home so much.


xox

My College Life - CRAZY! (academically..haha)

What a misleading title. :)
yeah, my college life is getting hectic right now, but it's because of all my finals. I got to have a stress detox this evening because I had a visit from a friend down the hall, Matt, who's never ever here haha. He stayed and talked with my roommate and I, and we have decided to make a trip to where he's from all together.. Should be fun :)
On that note, my roommate and I seem to be getting along better; by that I mean she seems to be noticing me more.. not acting like I don't exist haha. She is cool though when she gives me the time of day.. I enjoy her company for the most part.

My evening was pretty bad; I was sick the entire time. Yes I know, AGAIN!! Being in the college dorms, everyone can get just about anyone sick because we're always around each other. It's actually really frustrating, because I am pretty sure I eat the healthiest on this floor, yet I'm always getting sick. :(

My studio had their semester recital yesterday, and boy was that a long program... It was probably almost three hours. I didn't even get to stay the whole time - I had so much homework to catch up on, and my parents and my old violin teacher were having to make a big drive back up to Prescott. It was so nice to see them though, and it really meant a lot that they all came down to drive almost 2 hours to see me perform for 5 minutes... Dedication. I had probably the biggest crowd of all the people in studio; My dad, mom, previous violin teacher, his wife, and Tyler. I'm not sure why my sister and brother didn't come - they didn't really give a reason, which is okay I guess because I want them to come see me play when I'm playing an actual *show* piece. The piece I played, Meditation from Thais by Massenet is a piece that is widely requested at weddings and parties, that sort of thing. It's a favorite and it's really slow, not very difficult technique wise.
I'm happy to say though that I didn't completely freeze up for this performance like I have in the past, and I think it's because I'm preparing myself much more than I used to (I'm pretty sure). It was a great ending to a low key, relaxing weekend.

NOW back to stress! I am at the point of deleria from staying awake for so long, and I have another final tomorrow at 7:55... Yikes. I'm so glad I have friends on this floor (he told me to have his name remained unmentioned because he knows I'm writing in my blog) to entertain me. He did this hilarious walk to the bathroom like a turkey, and I seriously almost died! Who needs drugs when you have great friends that can stay up with you really late to get tired and delirious with?!

Anyway, big week coming up for me, lots of work. I'll try and update soon. Hope everyone is living during their finals like I'm trying... :)

XOX

Happy 25th Birthday!

Today is my brother's 25th birthday - that is so weird. It's just weird to think of times when he wasn't even 15 yet, or he hadn't even graduated high school yet, and now he's a businessman working for my dad - a grown man!

I'm sure he had a great birthday, that party animal.




xox