Week 1 at Starbucks

SO much has happened in one week I can't even cover it all I don't think! Overall, I am so glad to be working with the people that I do. You can tell all of them were hired for some reason. Can I just say that gays make your day better? Always? Of course, the two people I talk to really the most or I feel most comfortable around are leaving in a month. Sad!

So far I have learned the three basic drinks that all starbucks drinks are made of. All the drinks are made the same pretty much from those three drinks, just with different syrups it turns out. Lotsa sugar!!!

I got to do drive through today, so it got really, really crazy. A drink order got messed up (not sure whose fault it was, probably mine or someone else on register) but that held us back like 3 minutes in the drive through, and a customer actually started beeping their horn! It might've been two customers. I got scared, haha. It's just so stressful and there is so many things to remember. I feel slightly overwhelmed, however I am hoping it will become easier with time. I just don't know how much time I have to adjust... everyone is so knowledgeable and quick that I am having a hard time keeping up! haha. Oh well, ya live and you learn.

The hours have been kinda rough, I get up at 3:30. but hey I gotta do what I have to if I want to go to Italy this summer!

Anyway that's about it. I also make myself my own drinks at break, boy is that nice to customize it just the way I want!


xox

A Typical Holiday

So if you have been reading my blog for a while, you would know what a typical family Christmas is in my house. I don't even need to explain, maybe just type in generic search words in my blog like, "Christmas", or "Easter", or birthday. Anything. Oooh, here's a good one. "Thanksgiving". that one I am sure a good story will pop up.


You know what's the worst part? When my whole family is turning on me, my boyfriend can't even stand up for me. THAT, indeed is sad. You know who was there for me? Someone else's boyfriend. How messed up is that. My sister's boyfriend. Of all people; someone who (mutually) had stopped communication with for a while because of certain stuff, was there for me. Of ALL people. I mean, he is obviously like a brother to me.

Not even getting high could make me feel better. I have never felt so alone as I did today. I will admit, being around Tyler's family made me feel a ton better ( I left my house early today because I was going back to Tempe. I really did not want to be around my family at that moment ...yes my fam can be that disfunctional).
As I come home for dinner (my family wanted me back home for dinner apparently), shit was still going on. I was still being picked on. I didn't even know this, but my sister told me that earlier that day my brother was saying how he hates seeing people (me) being bullied by the rest of my family. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. To know someone in my family still cared to stand up for what they knew was obviously right was really refreshing. I seriously feel like I get bullied every holiday. Usually my brother doesn't say anything, but he did this time, and for that I am thankful. And now I just feel bad because my sister is mad at her boyfriend because he was comforting me. God, I can never win. I swear. It's not even about winning; I just wanted to be happy on a fucking holiday. I honestly for once just want to feel that no matter what someone is going to support me. Is that too much to ask for?

First Recital

My students had their first recital today! It was kindof a mess; one of my students didn't show up. One didn't start on her cue, and the other.. oh well. He was just adorable. He completely froze on stage, and I tried to get him to just play for me instead of the crowd, but he couldn't do it. He walked off stage crying, and I was able to get him to play after the person that was supposed to play after him. I was so proud of him! I felt proud of myself too because I started to panic. Majorly. I started to look at him like, Okay, start! (we were doing a duet). but ... He wouldn't . He stood there, staring at the audience, like he was in shock that he was on stage. He started to say, "my violin doesn't sound right." "let me start over that was a terrible start." and I just stayed patient because I think I know more than most people what horrible nerves is like! Anyway, he started to look at me, and then I stood in front of his stand and said, "just play for me. no one else, just me." And he still couldn't do it. He went off stage, and I was able to coax him into playing after the person that was on stage currently. He did it! He wanted to sit down, but he did it! I was so unbelievable happy and proud of him. I am proud of all my students today. Ah, the life of a teacher! :-)

Drax

Please pray for my baby Drax. He went into the Tucson animal hospital today because he is having weird breathing problems and is very sick.

Please get better baby.


<3

xox

Dream Interpretation, No. 5

Okay, for the past couple weeks I keep having dreams with puppies in them. Last night, I found a puppy on a rock and its tail was caught underneath a rock... by an ocean. WTF?! The other night, I had a dream with a whole litter of puppies. So, it's time to see why I keep thinking of adorable puppies.


Puppy

To see a puppy in your dream symbolizes your playfulness and carefree nature. It also refers to a blossoming friendship. If you are taking care of a puppy, then it means that you are reliable and trustworthy. Others can depend on you, especially during difficult times.

To see a litter of newborn puppies in your dream is indicative of the amount of time that an idea has been developing or will take to develop. Look to the number of puppies to give you that approximate amount of time.

via dreammoods.com


Blossoming friendship? I haven't really made any new friends. I guess I used to have a carefree nature... Around most people I do I think still.

Intimacy

To dream about an intimate issue relates to your sexual identity. Perhaps something is lacking in your personal relationship. You are feeling unsatisfied or something is missing in your relationship. It is important to remember that a healthy relationship takes work. Thus your dream may be trying to help you resolve the some issue at hand.


I keep having dreams where I am intimate with someone, and it's not usually my boyfriend. I mean, nothing gross and dirty, but - it's still there.
Well this definitely applies. I have definitely been feeling a lost, and especially after last night I really feel lost. I don't even know what to do. I am just trying to move on I guess. I think it's for the best. I wonder if these dreams will go away after today.. or something.


I just have to focus on school right now. Juries. violin. I can do it. I think.

xox

Busiest 2 Weeks of My Life

The title is pretty self explanatory... WOW! What a 2 weeks. It's been absolutely ridiculous. Violin lessons, TEACHING violin lessons, Brentano String Quartet.. HOMEWORK!!!


As far as getting busier, I am taking on an extra 2 students. A teacher backed out at last minute and I decided, hey! I can take these kids! haha. So whoop-di-do... that's an extra $8. haha. I probably shouldn't discuss money on here. Oops.

I am trying to think of everything that's been going on the past month. I've been hanging out with a lot with Phi and Tehvon, probably my two closest friends here in school. We've hung out together pretty much every weekend. An incident happened on Halloween weekend and now I'm kindof in this awkward situation with one of them, but hopefully it blows over after an apology.

Tyler visits tomorrow. I've been really complacent lately, and I think I just need to see him. I've been off, for a few reasons, but all in all I just need to see him. Hopefully things get better.



pictures from recent events:



Halloween Weekend - I was Cassandra from Wayne's World.



playing the Samuel Barber Violin Concerto, mvt. 1 at my Studio Recital at the beginning of the month.



I've gotten quite into Latin Ballroom!



my first Wedding gig :)



xox

Anxiety Month 1

It's been a little over a month now that I have been taking the antidepressant. My doctor upped my dosage double from the month before, and ugh. Bad idea.

Improvements:

- Performance Anxiety before doubling
- OCD

UH OH's:

- Too relaxed when I perform now (so, the dose needs to go back down to 25)
- headaches everyday


I am really liking where the medication is helping me get though. I can play violin for my teacher like I've been wanting to for literally like a year, and I am not thinking about stupid obsessive, compulsive things that I shouldn't even think about. yeah, it still happens from time to time, but it's not a constant every day thing, and it will only get better :)


Another downside though, with the doubling, I've been having random mood swings, like how a girl acts before her period, haha. The other day, I had a crying fit mixed with just overwhelming stress. It was a major detox, and then I just crashed for 3 and a half hours. I noticed I am also more tired these days as well...


We'll see how I improve by next month!

Jada,

..the rescue dog.

On Wednesday, September 28th, I was looking on the website of Arizona Rescue Network for animal's website on facebook and came across a dog who just tugged at my heartstrings. I have looked at this site for awhile, but it was just something about this dog that got me. I mean, I've cried numerous times looking at pictures on the site of dogs that are scheduled to be euthanized next day. Something about her picture just got to me, and I couldn't bear to see this dog die. So I wrote on the picture, "I'll take her." And I did.

It took about 3 hours to arrange, with email exchange, paper applications, and trying to just contact the right people to get this done so she wouldn't be put down at 5am the next morning. I wasn't going to be able to sleep till I knew she'd be okay.

I got the message at around 11 that a hold had been placed on her. I was so relieved. The next day, I was constantly checking my phone to see what time it was. Is it time yet to get my dog? Any messages yet? I still hadn't got any word and I was so anxious.2 hours before I had gotten word if I could come get her, I had already bought dog food and all the supplies I'd need to have a dog in my apartment.

Finally at around 2, I got the call that I could go pick her up at Maricopa County Animal control in Mesa. When they brought her out, I saw this stocky, beautiful red coat dog wagging her tail crazily making her way toward me. Even though her tail showed excitement, the rest of her body showed she was scared, or abused. It broke my heart, and I think right then I knew I was going to do what ever possible to make her never have to feel that way again.

She stunk. Really bad. But hey, it's expected. Who knows the last time she was washed, because she was a stray. They gave her a rabies shot and then handed me the leash and said, "She's all yours." I became a foster for this new timid dog.

Right when I got the leash, she took control. She pulled and pulled, and then stopped at grass. She peed. "should've known", I thought. Haha. That was a good sign though; she was house trained!

I couldn't get over how bad she smelled, so I took her to Petco to get grooming. Turns out they require 48 hours post rabies shot to get groomed. Weird. But okay. She was so so scared. She was scared of every door, every fence, every gate, and... tile floors. Just tile floors. In my apartment, she wouldn't cross to get to my room because there was a tile gap separating her from where she was standing (carpet) to my room. She also wouldn't budge up the stairs. I had to carry her up and down, three flights. In Petco, employees had to help me with her because she would not budge to get in the door. She shuddered at most noises, and crawled slowly into every entry way. It was so sad to see.

Probably should've mentioned this earlier: When I picked her up, I immediately thought to myself right when I saw her, "She is too feminine to be a Melody. She looks like a Jada. Like Jada Pinkett Smith". So that's where her name Jada came from.

I bought special soap that is tearless, and gave her a bath that night. She was terrified of the bath tub and faucet (no surprise, actually haha) so it was a challenge and a mess!

She is such a great dog. So well behaved and such a love!!! She doesn't jump on furniture, doesn't bite or chew. She is also not crazy. Yeah she's scared, but she is definitely getting better. She actually walks into the kitchen now, and goes up the stairs! Took awhile, but she's getting so much better. She is also great on the leash now too. Ah, I love Jada! I do not want to give her up. No no no.

She is currently sleeping right next to me as I type. I love her. She gets along with our other dogs too, especially Drax.. he LOVES her! When I first introduced her and my own Pug Paris, Jada didn't like her at all. :( By the end of the weekend, it was the other way around! Paris was annoyed with her! Oh, well. Girls will be girls, huh.

Anyway, Jada is the sweetest dog, and I know everyone in my family has absolutely fallen in love with her, and every dog loves her. And every person that meets her loves her. Ah she's just a loveable dog. I'm so lucky I got her.





xoxo

Jada

Holy Crap.

....Sums up my weekend. Worst weekend to possibly get sick. I was sick on a weekend when I could really use being healthy, haha. I wasn't able to practice, hang out with anyone, nothing really. I am still kindof sick now, but I am getting so much better. Now its just congestion and a bad cough. Thank you antibiotics!

I was supposed to pick up my roommate from the airport, but she changed plans without letting me know until I had to pick her up. Cool, huh? Yeah I really appreciated that.

Tomorrow I have to play trumpet and teach it too. Haha. FUN! It should be interesting, and I am definitely kinda excited for it if anything.

I also have a really, really long rehearsal with my quartet coming up too most likely tomorrow because I bailed on them all week long. :( I felt kindof bad, but I really couldn't help it. I had the absolute worst timing to get sick. Hopefully I won't again for a while though, because this was a pretty bad one this time.

I can't wait to go home this weekend. I am just not in the greatest of moods and am looking forward to going home and seeing my pets and friends.


Pointless post? Probably qualifies as this one.

xox

5am, September 7th

I entitle this tomorrow morning's date, because tomorrow at 5 am there are many dogs that are going to be euthanized. It breaks my heart. Not only that, but it makes me so, so angry. How can people just throw their pets away like it's nothing? They just leave them without food, nothing, like the dog never did anything for them BUT LOVE THEIR OWNER to PIECES. It gets me in tears thinking about these innocent animals that just want to be loved, and cared for. Some don't even live long enough to remember anything, and there are some dogs there that haven't had a home longer than they probably can remember. If i had endless money, and a place to house them, I would take them all. If i could, I would be a part time student and start working there, but I can't. I mean, I can but I'm not sure my parents would support it sadly. (Not like they don't love animals or anything... They're just gung-ho (sp?!) about their daughter's higher education). I keep looking through all the albums the facebook page has - there is an album entitled "Rest in Peace". I didn't get through 6 pictures until I broke down in tears. Why do people accept the responsibility of taking in an animal, if they're just going to do that to the poor thing. think about it.. I bet their pet would never strand them on the side of the road, desert their owner, or abuse them in any way. Never. And what makes it worse is how a dog just suffers; any animal does. They can't speak, they can't express the words they're probably thinking. All i saw in pictures were these sad, longing eyes - like the poor dog knew what it's fate was. Some looked happy - you could tell those pictures were also taken when they were brought to the local Petco to be shown (to be adopted!!!!). I hope somehow, people start realizing that there are many, many animals in desperate need of homes. even tonight, there's a hotline that you can call to save one of these poor dog's lives. They don't deserve to die, just because their stupid, irresponsible, inhumane owner abused/stranded them. They don't deserve it. I wish I could take them all and save them, but I can't. The hardest part: Choosing just ONE.



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