I sometimes wonder if I have completely lost my ability to have an imagination. My mind has been under so much stress the past couple months, I don't really remember the last time I dreamed. I used to blog my dreams, in really vivid detail. I used to lucid dream, and that doesn't happen either anymore.
You would think being in love would help a mind be a little freer, more creative if you will. I feel like I kept dreaming these unrealistic things, pre-relationship. It's almost like my reality is better than my dreams now. Fancy that.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
When Pigs Fly
By golly, I find myself here on this blog over two years later. Okay so I kindof forgot my password and my accounts never linked, and it was just a mess. I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner (oh wow. Yeah this is gonna take awhile to update on everything) and his friend visiting from camp brought up that she wants to start a blog. And then I remembered that I have had this little treasure since 2009. And then deserted it for a few years haha. It's just because I had so many memories tied to it. I have been writing still; just not posting it anywhere. I've been keeping it in a file on my computer, titled "Thoughts". I know, real original. lol.
Well I'm just going to dive right in.
I ended an over four year relationship, and I graduated college. Dance changed my life. Ballroom dance has changed my life. Teaching, violin, dancing.... my hobbies are still the same. I just go about them differently.
I am a teacher now! Like, I have my own classes. I have a job. It's so surreal sometimes when I sit back and think about it. I usually am called "Morah Tiffany" or "Morah [my last name]" - and it's just the cutest thing. Especially coming from a 5 year old.
I went to Europe every summer - went back to InterHarmony, and had some pretty ridiculous memories in Prague beforehand with my friend Clarice. We cringe when we think of it, but laugh too. We were both going through.... transition periods. I decided to start my master's right away, because I know once I get that taste of freedom, I probably won't go back.
My sister moved to New York, my brother just moved to Scottsdale. I have my own apartment, no roommates anymore. Why am I writing this all out? I feel like I should just pick up right where I am now, no need to explain - I am the only one that is reading this (even though the audience used to be public). There's something cool about knowing you can write whatever, it's public, and no one sees it anyway. That changed after a little bit, so I don't know if that will happen to this one. Especially since it has not been updated in a few years. haha.
Anyway, events tonight made me want to resurrect this blog again.
I never thought I would be able to open up again, and I am finally getting to that point again. My family would always joke that with my fascination with Judaism, that they wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a Jewish guy - and I found myself a nice Jewish boy! Haha. Not to make it sound like, so sealed and everything. But it really is just so weird how things work out. I met him four years ago, the first weekend I was at ASU and then never saw him again. I even remember telling Eydn about him, saying "AH gosh I briefly met this cute Jewish boy (even back then I have always had a pretty good Jewdar) and it's too bad I've found the one (speaking about bf at the time)." It's just so so weird. Then, four years later, I am going to my ballroom class and who comes walking through that door? My now boyfriend.
It took months for us to get to the relationship point, I even tried distracting myself with other people, thinking that if it isn't happening now it ain't gonna happen ever. I even started seeing this other guy, and when he confessed his love to me I flew out to Europe to see him. Lol. Wow. It sounds so spontaneous, and that is so not me. So it's about 6 days before I'm leaving to Europe, and boyfriend decides to finally make a move. I couldn't believe it. I was just ecstatic, but pissed at the same time. WHAT changed?!? Why now?? I still ask myself these questions. I wonder what changed, what suddenly made me desirable enough to date and be in a relationship with.
He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. He makes me laugh like no one else can. When he wants to be, he is so thoughtful and there are those moments where I think we feel the same about each other. Love is a scary thing, and it makes you do things you wouldn't do before. I'm still getting used to being happy again. Even though we don't ever say it, I feel really loved around him. And I am so sure that I am in love with him too. It scares me, and even though I haven't made myself completely vulnerable, when you know - you just know. I know he needs time and ..well. Whatever he needs I seem to just be along for whatever it is, because I want to make it work. But I am just happy to be feeling like this again. It feels right.
And my next post will just sound contradicting to all of this haha.
Well I'm just going to dive right in.
I ended an over four year relationship, and I graduated college. Dance changed my life. Ballroom dance has changed my life. Teaching, violin, dancing.... my hobbies are still the same. I just go about them differently.
I am a teacher now! Like, I have my own classes. I have a job. It's so surreal sometimes when I sit back and think about it. I usually am called "Morah Tiffany" or "Morah [my last name]" - and it's just the cutest thing. Especially coming from a 5 year old.
I went to Europe every summer - went back to InterHarmony, and had some pretty ridiculous memories in Prague beforehand with my friend Clarice. We cringe when we think of it, but laugh too. We were both going through.... transition periods. I decided to start my master's right away, because I know once I get that taste of freedom, I probably won't go back.
My sister moved to New York, my brother just moved to Scottsdale. I have my own apartment, no roommates anymore. Why am I writing this all out? I feel like I should just pick up right where I am now, no need to explain - I am the only one that is reading this (even though the audience used to be public). There's something cool about knowing you can write whatever, it's public, and no one sees it anyway. That changed after a little bit, so I don't know if that will happen to this one. Especially since it has not been updated in a few years. haha.
Anyway, events tonight made me want to resurrect this blog again.
I never thought I would be able to open up again, and I am finally getting to that point again. My family would always joke that with my fascination with Judaism, that they wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a Jewish guy - and I found myself a nice Jewish boy! Haha. Not to make it sound like, so sealed and everything. But it really is just so weird how things work out. I met him four years ago, the first weekend I was at ASU and then never saw him again. I even remember telling Eydn about him, saying "AH gosh I briefly met this cute Jewish boy (even back then I have always had a pretty good Jewdar) and it's too bad I've found the one (speaking about bf at the time)." It's just so so weird. Then, four years later, I am going to my ballroom class and who comes walking through that door? My now boyfriend.
It took months for us to get to the relationship point, I even tried distracting myself with other people, thinking that if it isn't happening now it ain't gonna happen ever. I even started seeing this other guy, and when he confessed his love to me I flew out to Europe to see him. Lol. Wow. It sounds so spontaneous, and that is so not me. So it's about 6 days before I'm leaving to Europe, and boyfriend decides to finally make a move. I couldn't believe it. I was just ecstatic, but pissed at the same time. WHAT changed?!? Why now?? I still ask myself these questions. I wonder what changed, what suddenly made me desirable enough to date and be in a relationship with.
He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. He makes me laugh like no one else can. When he wants to be, he is so thoughtful and there are those moments where I think we feel the same about each other. Love is a scary thing, and it makes you do things you wouldn't do before. I'm still getting used to being happy again. Even though we don't ever say it, I feel really loved around him. And I am so sure that I am in love with him too. It scares me, and even though I haven't made myself completely vulnerable, when you know - you just know. I know he needs time and ..well. Whatever he needs I seem to just be along for whatever it is, because I want to make it work. But I am just happy to be feeling like this again. It feels right.
And my next post will just sound contradicting to all of this haha.
Wedding Weekend
This past weekend, I watched one of my brother's friends that I've known since I was in elementary school, get married!
I was actually pretty good at stifling my tears throughout the wedding, because I didn't want my parents to see me cry (It would just be awkward. It's hard to explain, but my family doesn't really show much emotion like that to eachother.)
I had such a great time, and ...learned a few things I guess you could say. Don't take that in a suggestive way or something. I just came across new information.
favorite quote of the night:
"You have the thighs of a thoroughbred." - Kendall (brother's best friend said to me)
I just about died when he said this; I have never been compared to a horse. Oh well, we were all highly intoxicated and I guess it wasn't too bad at the time. Hey, it was an open bar. Now I don't want to make it sound like I'm some sort of alcoholic or anything, because I'm definitely not. Usually when I drink, my parents are with me! Haha.
Anyway, the reception and ceremony was absolutely beautiful; everything from the color scheme which was surprisingly a beautiful choice - Forest Green, Black, and White. I know, if you think about it, sortof weird. BUT, when I saw the invitations and the whole wedding, it looked beautiful! The food was great, too. There was plenty of entertainment, open bar, boat rides along the lake (which would've been romantic if a significant other were there..) - which I stood in line for with some people for a good ten minutes and they shut it down when it was our turn! Anyway, I had a great time. After the wedding, everyone went to Garcia's, and I hung out after that with my brother and his best friend. We were all so intoxicated that we didn't even know how to get back to the hotel room... I think my brother might've been the worst? haha! Maybe it sounds bad that I was in that state with two older guys, but really I don't think I'd feel that safe with anyone else. Jason's my brother, and his best friend is like another.
I was actually pretty good at stifling my tears throughout the wedding, because I didn't want my parents to see me cry (It would just be awkward. It's hard to explain, but my family doesn't really show much emotion like that to eachother.)
I had such a great time, and ...learned a few things I guess you could say. Don't take that in a suggestive way or something. I just came across new information.
favorite quote of the night:
"You have the thighs of a thoroughbred." - Kendall (brother's best friend said to me)
I just about died when he said this; I have never been compared to a horse. Oh well, we were all highly intoxicated and I guess it wasn't too bad at the time. Hey, it was an open bar. Now I don't want to make it sound like I'm some sort of alcoholic or anything, because I'm definitely not. Usually when I drink, my parents are with me! Haha.
Anyway, the reception and ceremony was absolutely beautiful; everything from the color scheme which was surprisingly a beautiful choice - Forest Green, Black, and White. I know, if you think about it, sortof weird. BUT, when I saw the invitations and the whole wedding, it looked beautiful! The food was great, too. There was plenty of entertainment, open bar, boat rides along the lake (which would've been romantic if a significant other were there..) - which I stood in line for with some people for a good ten minutes and they shut it down when it was our turn! Anyway, I had a great time. After the wedding, everyone went to Garcia's, and I hung out after that with my brother and his best friend. We were all so intoxicated that we didn't even know how to get back to the hotel room... I think my brother might've been the worst? haha! Maybe it sounds bad that I was in that state with two older guys, but really I don't think I'd feel that safe with anyone else. Jason's my brother, and his best friend is like another.
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