A Typical Holiday

So if you have been reading my blog for a while, you would know what a typical family Christmas is in my house. I don't even need to explain, maybe just type in generic search words in my blog like, "Christmas", or "Easter", or birthday. Anything. Oooh, here's a good one. "Thanksgiving". that one I am sure a good story will pop up.


You know what's the worst part? When my whole family is turning on me, my boyfriend can't even stand up for me. THAT, indeed is sad. You know who was there for me? Someone else's boyfriend. How messed up is that. My sister's boyfriend. Of all people; someone who (mutually) had stopped communication with for a while because of certain stuff, was there for me. Of ALL people. I mean, he is obviously like a brother to me.

Not even getting high could make me feel better. I have never felt so alone as I did today. I will admit, being around Tyler's family made me feel a ton better ( I left my house early today because I was going back to Tempe. I really did not want to be around my family at that moment ...yes my fam can be that disfunctional).
As I come home for dinner (my family wanted me back home for dinner apparently), shit was still going on. I was still being picked on. I didn't even know this, but my sister told me that earlier that day my brother was saying how he hates seeing people (me) being bullied by the rest of my family. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. To know someone in my family still cared to stand up for what they knew was obviously right was really refreshing. I seriously feel like I get bullied every holiday. Usually my brother doesn't say anything, but he did this time, and for that I am thankful. And now I just feel bad because my sister is mad at her boyfriend because he was comforting me. God, I can never win. I swear. It's not even about winning; I just wanted to be happy on a fucking holiday. I honestly for once just want to feel that no matter what someone is going to support me. Is that too much to ask for?

First Recital

My students had their first recital today! It was kindof a mess; one of my students didn't show up. One didn't start on her cue, and the other.. oh well. He was just adorable. He completely froze on stage, and I tried to get him to just play for me instead of the crowd, but he couldn't do it. He walked off stage crying, and I was able to get him to play after the person that was supposed to play after him. I was so proud of him! I felt proud of myself too because I started to panic. Majorly. I started to look at him like, Okay, start! (we were doing a duet). but ... He wouldn't . He stood there, staring at the audience, like he was in shock that he was on stage. He started to say, "my violin doesn't sound right." "let me start over that was a terrible start." and I just stayed patient because I think I know more than most people what horrible nerves is like! Anyway, he started to look at me, and then I stood in front of his stand and said, "just play for me. no one else, just me." And he still couldn't do it. He went off stage, and I was able to coax him into playing after the person that was on stage currently. He did it! He wanted to sit down, but he did it! I was so unbelievable happy and proud of him. I am proud of all my students today. Ah, the life of a teacher! :-)

Drax

Please pray for my baby Drax. He went into the Tucson animal hospital today because he is having weird breathing problems and is very sick.

Please get better baby.


<3

xox

Dream Interpretation, No. 5

Okay, for the past couple weeks I keep having dreams with puppies in them. Last night, I found a puppy on a rock and its tail was caught underneath a rock... by an ocean. WTF?! The other night, I had a dream with a whole litter of puppies. So, it's time to see why I keep thinking of adorable puppies.


Puppy

To see a puppy in your dream symbolizes your playfulness and carefree nature. It also refers to a blossoming friendship. If you are taking care of a puppy, then it means that you are reliable and trustworthy. Others can depend on you, especially during difficult times.

To see a litter of newborn puppies in your dream is indicative of the amount of time that an idea has been developing or will take to develop. Look to the number of puppies to give you that approximate amount of time.

via dreammoods.com


Blossoming friendship? I haven't really made any new friends. I guess I used to have a carefree nature... Around most people I do I think still.

Intimacy

To dream about an intimate issue relates to your sexual identity. Perhaps something is lacking in your personal relationship. You are feeling unsatisfied or something is missing in your relationship. It is important to remember that a healthy relationship takes work. Thus your dream may be trying to help you resolve the some issue at hand.


I keep having dreams where I am intimate with someone, and it's not usually my boyfriend. I mean, nothing gross and dirty, but - it's still there.
Well this definitely applies. I have definitely been feeling a lost, and especially after last night I really feel lost. I don't even know what to do. I am just trying to move on I guess. I think it's for the best. I wonder if these dreams will go away after today.. or something.


I just have to focus on school right now. Juries. violin. I can do it. I think.

xox